


Out of Darkness

by VicenteValtieri



Series: A Thousand Lives Unlived [7]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Violence, Sequel, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-16 11:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 21,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicenteValtieri/pseuds/VicenteValtieri
Summary: This is the sequel to Darkest Darkness.Optimus Prime is sent to Rung's clinic to recover from his severe depression. Meanwhile, Starscream sheds his identity and takes on a new one as well as a mission.





	1. Waking Up

Even after he woke, Optimus Prime kept his optics shut. It was the coward’s way out, to feign sleep, but he hadn’t felt like the Autobot Commander should in a very long time.

He didn’t even know if he was still the Commander. After Starscream had doubtless told his four highest ranked officers exactly what had been going on the past three years, he would very likely be removed from his position.

He didn’t see how anyone would stand to be led by a mech who allowed- no, asked- the enemy to beat him. Or for one who was so obviously weak at spark. How else could he explain what else the Seeker knew and would have told? 

If only he had been able to convince Starscream to stay silent, broken off their relationship discretely, perhaps he could have avoided this disaster, but how was he supposed to know Starscream would figure out what even he hadn’t known?

…He genuinely hadn’t meant to use the Seeker like that.

“I know you’re awake.” Ratchet’s gruff voice broke over him. “Come on, open your optics. You need some energon.”

Optimus pursed his lipplates and transformed his battlemask back across his faceplates. “Ratchet.” He opened his optics. 

“It’s all right. We’re alone.” Ratchet gestured around the private room they were in. “Looks like we need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. What went on between myself and Starscream is personal. It had nothing to do with the Autobots and we did not exchange information.” Optimus made a last attempt to brush it off.

“Optimus, Starscream described the symptoms of crippling depression and suicidal tendencies.” Ratchet tapped his clipboard. “And in this one, isolated case, I’m inclined to take his word as Gospel.”

Optimus looked away. “…How is he?”

“Starscream? When I left, he looked like Pit, but he was calm. I reckon he’ll be fine. And, yes, I agree. You need to talk to him. But that can wait.” Ratchet opened a folder. “This is a psych evaluation. I know you can tell me exactly what I want to hear, but after today, I’m putting in my professional opinion that you need a long break away from the front lines. Perhaps even off planet, away from the battlegrounds entirely. So there’s really nothing you can gain by lying to me.”

Optimus was silent until Ratchet asked him the first question. They went through it, indicator by indicator, until Ratchet’s faceplates were as grim as they could possibly be.

“Dammit, Optimus.” Ratchet touched his temples, shutting the folder. “Why didn’t you tell anyone you were suffering so badly?”

“… It’s my job. I am- was the leader. I was supposed to support all of you. I couldn’t let you strain yourselves trying to support me.” Optimus explained, still numb.

“That was our job!” Ratchet snapped. “We were supposed to support you, just like you supported us!” He put his helm in his servos. “I’m sorry, Optimus. We’re going to get you the help you need, I promise. I’ll put in a transfer order, send you to Rung’s clinic.”

“Ratchet-“ Optimus remembered that four of his officers had seen how low he had fallen and bowed his helm. “… I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Optimus, let’s put it this way: If you don’t go to Rung’s clinic willingly, Prowl will remove you from your Command anyway. You’re not fit. Not like this.”

“… I have to see Starscream before I go. I should… I should apologize.”

“I don’t know when that will be possible. It might not be wise to leave you two alone together, Prowl certainly wouldn’t allow it and, frankly, neither will I.”

“I have to see him.”

“Do you have any way to contact him? A comm number?” Ratchet questioned. 

“…No, he didn’t use his comm. Soundwave put a bug-“ He sat up straight, optics going wide and fearful.

“What? What is it?” Ratchet jumped, looking around.

Optimus was already stepping down off of the berth. “I have to go-“ He tried to make for the door, but Ratchet grabbed his arm.

“Steady, Optimus, you aren’t going anywhere.” Ratchet tried to muscle him back down to the berth.

“You don’t understand!” Optimus twisted away, but Ratchet blocked the door physically. 

“Then make me understand!”

Optimus stared at him, then slumped forwards, defeated. “Soundwave put a bug in Starscream’s comm. He never bothered to have it removed.”

“So, when he commed Prowl…” Ratchet muttered, putting it together.

“He had to know Soundwave was listening in.”

“…He refused to come with us to the Ark, even knowing that.”

“Ratchet, I have to at least check.” Optimus pleaded.

“All right, but you’re taking Ironhide with you.” Ratchet opened his comm. “And you’re coming right back to the medbay as soon as you have. You’re not healed by any means.”

“Thank you.”

 

Optimus couldn’t look Ironhide in the face as he led the weapon’s specialist to his quarters and through the gateway to Starscream’s home pocket. “…I’m sorry, you saw that.” He muttered. “I never meant for any of you to find out.”

“Yeah, Ah believe that at least.” Ironhide drawled. “We all have our foibles, Optimus, but Ah never imagined you of all mechs would think you had to carry that kind of burden alone.”

“… I had it under control.” The Prime muttered.

“Nah, Prime, yah didn’t.”

It was true, so Optimus didn’t argue with it. Instead, he submitted the frequency and opened his closet.

“Figured the Seeker had some voodoo for yah to have been visitin’ him every nightcycle.” Ironhide nodded and stepped through first. “Come on.”

Optimus stepped through the portal, and experienced the discomforting sensation of having gravity’s direction suddenly change, causing him to roll out of the portal. The frame had been knocked to its side, though the recievers were, thankfully, not broken.

“What in Primus’s name?” Optimus got to his pedes, optics widening in shock.


	2. The Fog

Starscream’s well-kept, neat, and artistic home was completely trashed. There were burn marks on the walls and the platforms were collapsed and broken. The workshop was buried under debris and shattered furniture. Shards and splinters of ceramic pots and broken bonsai arrangements were everywhere. Above them, the bench swing hung listlessly several stories lower than it should, the armrest that had been bolted to the cable had been torn away, and the safety net hung limply against the wall below it, held up by only two of its supports.

“Oh, Optimus… I’m sorry.” Ironhide set a servo on his shoulder. “This place really meant something to the both of you, didn’ it?”

Optimus put a servo on one of the burn marks. “Megatron did this.”

“He mus’ have got here first, Prime. Ah’m sorry.” Ironhide nudged a piece of Starscream’s twisted steel table. “Maybe some of it can be saved?”

Optimus bent and touched the sheets from Starscream’s wine-colored berth, crashed on top of the pile. Energon glowed softly on them and silvery transfluid was dried beside it. “Ironhide, get Prowl and Perceptor. I have to know exactly what happened here.”

Ironhide didn’t argue, righting the door pocket’s frame before he went. 

Optimus quietly dug through the rubble. He didn’t quite know what he was looking for, but he found it when he heard a soft click and dug deeper into the pile.

Starscream’s cleaning drone was clicking in tired distress as Optimus pulled the multi-segmented thing out from under the rubble. It’s single optic winked up at him in recognition and it seemed to relax as Optimus cradled it. When Megatron had come to brutalize Starscream, it must have hid itself. 

Perceptor and Prowl gawked around the destroyed home when they stepped through the door pocket. Optimus stayed silent, sitting on what remained of the blue couch while he stroked the drone. 

It was a grim few hours that the two forensics mechs spent picking over the remains. Perceptor took several samples for CNA testing and Prowl analyzed the crash positions and how the platforms had fallen.

“Optimus?” Suddenly said mech was right in front of him. “We’re finished analyzing. If you want to take anything… I suppose no one will object.”

“Take this to Wheeljack.” Optimus handed him the drone, who squealed a little. “Easy, Prowl’s a friend.”

“All right.” Prowl gave him a strange look as he soothed the drone’s clicks and squeals, but took the small machine gently. “Maybe it saw some of what happened.”

“Have Wheeljack look at its memory banks.” Optimus bent in the remains of the nursery and began gathering up the roots and earth around the trees. “I’ll be okay.”

In spite of what he said, Ironhide stayed with him, helping him to bundle the root balls up in sackcloth. There was nothing to be done for some of the saplings- snapped in half or burned- and the plants without a woody trunk were beyond help, but some of the trees might live, if they were taken and tended with care.

And out of the destruction, Optimus found the moss garden. THE Moss Garden, the one Starscream had meant for a present for him before it had been dropped and pieces of it broken. The thick pot was cracked and split, but it had landed on the blue couch and was mostly intact. Optimus’s optics beaded up with coolant and he knew Ironhide was staring at him as he held the split pot together over the garden. “Quick- Get something to hold it together.”

Ironhide looked around and found some gardener’s tape. They wrapped the pot well, keeping it together, and Optimus fussed over the miniature cherry tree. Starscream had been training it to some new shape: Wire was wrapped around its trunk and branches, all of which had saved it from the most harm. 

It felt like hope as Optimus held it. Starscream himself was not here, not buried in the rubble. Prowl’s scans had revealed that at least, but his plants were and they would be saved. Perhaps, by some miracle, he would come through this alive as well.

He couldn’t bear the idea of Starscream dead or hurt, no matter how much he resented the Seeker’s loose glossa. 

Optimus and Ironhide piled the trees against the wall near the gateway and the Prime turned back to the mess, continuing to look. He found the crystal candle-holder that Starscream had made from the chunk of quartz he had given him, chipped, but mostly intact.

There wasn’t a lot else. Starscream’s cabinets that were mounted to the walls, though, revealed that most of his china was safe. They packed what remained into a crate and Ironhide helped him carry it back to his quarters. 

Wheeljack knocked on his door a few hours later, a repaired drone under one arm, a datapad in the opposite hand. “Hey, Prime.” Word was getting around the Ark slowly, so Wheeljack likely didn’t know all the gory details yet. Optimus hoped he wouldn’t learn them all until he was safely away to Rung’s clinic, away from the staring. 

“Wheeljack. Have you found something?”

“It ain’t pretty, Prime, just warning you.” Wheeljack handed over his burdens. “I’m sorry. Some of the stuff on there… It ain’t nice. This little guy saw some stuff.”

“Thank you, Wheeljack.” The drone clicked to life and climbed up to Optimus’s shoulder, where it stayed, clicking softly.

As soon as the door shut, Optimus opened the datapad, bouncing it in his servo. To watch or not to watch was not the question. He had to know, but something else was making him keep himself from pressing the final button and knowing exactly what Megatron had done to his lover and the home Starscream had built.

Finally, he closed his optics, and pressed the button, just listening as the drone heard Megatron stomping into the tenement and crawled out of its nest beneath the washing machine. Starscream’s favorite music was playing from up the stairs as Megatron stomped up, the iron of the staircase almost buckling under his wrath.

Optimus silently urged Starscream to flee, or at least to fight, as the drone followed Megatron up to the kitchen, but Starscream was neither preparing or doing those things. Instead, he was sitting at the table, stirring a tea cup of energon. When Megatron loomed over him, fusion cannon ready, he looked up and made one, soft, statement. “You were right.”

Apparently, this meant something to the Silver warlord, because he fired. But not a lethal blast that would incinerate the delicate frame before him, but a lighter shot that singed the Seeker’s wings. He fired again and again, some the light shots that were aimed at Starscream, others high powered and aimed for his surroundings, destroying his belongings, the things he had worked so hard to make.

Through it all, Starscream neither moved nor spoke. His vents were gasps of pain at the cannon fire, burning his plating, but he was quiet. He didn’t even scream when Megatron grasped one of his wings and dragged him up the stairs to the red berth. He threw the Seeker down onto it and beat him, shouting threatening and derogatory things, threatening to rape him then and there. And through it all, Starscream was silent, his only sounds small gasps and his only movements the occasional shudder. He was separate from the pain and abuse, not reacting. Not when Megatron destroyed their swing with a single shot, not when he knocked over the furniture Starscream had carved, not even when the warlord pressed his frame down over the Seeker’s battered one.

The drone had hidden itself when Megatron threw Starscream the full height of the building to the floor and began systematically taking the Seeker’s home apart, platforms crashing down around him, shrapnel flying… it didn’t seem like it could touch Starscream. He was in a place beyond the pain and seemed to feel no terror.

After that, the recording shut off and Optimus sat, in the dark, not moving. His spark throbbed in time with the pounding in his helm. Starscream had not been among the ruin of his home, so Megatron must have taken him away with him. That meant that it was not over for the Seeker. Not by a long shot.


	3. The Seeker's Fate

Trying to restore the Moss Garden distracted Optimus for the week he had before his transfer would come through and he would be off to a clinic. Jazz was on the case when it came to what happened to Starscream. All Perceptor and Prowl’s investigation had revealed was that the energon on the sheets was Starscream’s, but the transfluid was Optimus’s. That had come as a relief to the Convoy, since it meant that Megatron hadn’t raped Starscream- at least, not when he was beating him in his home.

But that only made Optimus more and more nervous, as Starscream was still locked and sealed into what amounted to a closet on the Nemesis, according to Jazz, and hadn’t responded to the saboteur’s attempts to make contact, even when he invoked Optimus’s name.

Either he simply couldn’t respond, or he just wouldn’t. Optimus wasn’t sure which was worse, the idea that he couldn’t speak or didn’t want to. Starscream almost always wanted to talk, especially when the house was, quote, “Too quiet.”

With his remaining time before transfer ticking down, Optimus’s servos trembled as he tried to emulate the smooth movements Starscream would make over the moss in his gardens. The Moss Garden had been transferred to a new pot, but it just wasn’t flourishing the way it had when Starscream tended it.

There was a knock at his door. Some other well-wisher, come to tell him to “Get Well Soon” as if he had a disease. He ignored it until Jazz put in his code and opened up the door. “Hey.”

“Jazz.” Optimus turned slowly. The Saboteur was leaning against the doorframe, clearly trying to gather himself. “Is there news?”

“…Megatron finally decided on Starscream’s punishment today.” Jazz replied, voice soft.

Optimus’s digits stuttered and he clasped them together to keep from shaking. “What was it?”

“You know whatever I say isn’t going to make you happy. Maybe it would be better to just say he’s alive and leave it at that.” Jazz replied.

The Prime sat down on his couch, helm bowed. Alive. But the way Jazz was acting… “You know I’ll find out if you don’t tell me. Please… What did they do to him?”

“…Megatron chained him between two pillars in the main base’s courtyard. In front of the rest of the Decepticons, he told them everything- that Starscream had been in a relationship with you for three years. That he was a traitor to them all. Then, he let them do what they would with him, provided that no one killed him.”

“What did they do?” Optimus’s optics were shut, coolant running from beneath their covers. 

“…They spat on him, insulted him, beat him…”

“Did they…?” Optimus lifted his helm, looking at the saboteur, begging him to understand the question without finishing it.

“No.” Jazz replied, shaking his helm. “They made a joke out of it, tossed him around, embraced him, and then threw him off, saying he smelled like Autobot. No, no one touched him.”

“There’s more.” Optimus spoke with quiet certainty.

“Megatron… When he had had enough of the spectacle, he took a brand and burned a black X over all of Starscream’s sigils. He said that… That not even Tarn would want to dirty his servos with him, so he would just have to be thrown out. Disbarred.” Jazz sighed. “Then… He loaded him onto a small, long-range shuttle and he was sent into exile.”

“So he’s gone.” Optimus dully concluded.

“I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to talk to him.” Jazz shrugged. “Maybe… Maybe it’s better this way. He was badly hurt. I don’t think he would have had anything kind to say to you.”

“…Jazz do me a favor. Can you make sure that if he shows up somewhere, looking for sanctuary, it’s granted?”

“I’ll do my level best, Prime, but I doubt he would take sanctuary with us.”

“I know.” Optimus pressed a servo to his lipplates to stifle the sounds he was making. “Go on. I know… I know it’s almost time.” He had packed his few personal belongings and the only thing left he was taking was the Moss Garden and Starscream’s small cleaning drone. “Ironhide took my things to the shuttle already.”

“Prime… We’ll miss you. Good luck.” Jazz sighed and left his commander alone.

Optimus wept openly in the quiet of his darkened quarters. Starscream had lost everything. For a long few moments, the weight of guilt pressed his shoulders down until his faceplates were buried in his knees. Even his friends’ efforts, the idea that there were mechs trying to help him, added to that. He had everyone, everyone he had guarded and guided and protected. Even Ironhide and the twins, who loathed Seekers, hadn’t turned against him. And, waiting for him at the other end of his journey were yet more mechs who wanted to help him, see him well again. Even Starscream himself had contributed, making the call that started this, telling Ratchet and Prowl… And the Seeker had no one.

He was a failure. He failed everyone he touched. Unable to hold it together for his men, he had dragged the Seeker into it and made him a part and parcel. He had been nothing he was supposed to be and now everyone around him would suffer for it.

Ironhide sighed when he found Optimus bunched up on the sofa. “Jazz told me what happened to yer Seeker. Ah’m sorry, Optimus. There was nothin’ you coulda done.” He hugged the Prime around his shoulders. “Our flight window will close soon, gotta get you on the shuttle. Grab yer plants and the datapad and let’s go.”

Optimus didn’t want to move, but he forced himself to stand up and grab the porcelain pot with the rescued garden inside it. Beside it was a datapad. An old, Cybertronian datapad that flashed an address at him when he touched it. He supposed he would never get a chance to return it, stowing the item in his subspace instead.

The drone scuttled up his frame to sit on his shoulder and hunkered down. 

He shrunk from their looks, the well-wishes and the good-byes. These were the men he had failed. He had let them down. Now he was being sent away. How many would he see again? How many…


	4. The Clinic

Rung’s clinic was a beautiful place. A clean, white building set in a verdant garden of a world. It was calculated to promote healing. Optimus had escorted the occasional officer on the edge of a nervous break-down there, but he had never even suspected he would end up coming here being escorted.

Rung was waiting to greet them, eyebrows and optical enhancer perked. “Optimus, welcome. Ironhide, it’s good to see you.”

“Thanks, Rung. You have a room ready?”

“Of course.” Rung pointed out the cart nearby and helped them load Optimus’s luggage. “Let’s get you settled in, Optimus.” He smiled up at the Prime, friendly and open. Another Autobot, another of his men. He had to be disappointed in the Prime, disappointed to see him there.

The room Rung brought them to was set in a plain hallway, painted a slight pink. Optimus hated it at once. Pastels were the enemy according to Starscream’s rulebook, his color schemes had been modish and bold.

The room itself was almost entirely white, which was better. Ironhide stayed to help Optimus unpack in silence. The Prime placed the Moss Garden with care near the window, but not in direct sunlight.

Ironhide scratched his helm when they were through. “Got you a present.” He said gruffly, reaching into his subspace. “From all of us, Prowl and Ratchet and Jazz and me.” The package he handed Optimus was bulky and heavy. When he opened it, it was a package of Bayberry candles, the perfect size for Starscream’s carved and polished candleholder.

“Thank you.” Optimus placed one of the green candles into the round cup. 

Ironhide sighed, then nodded. “I guess I’ll see you soon, Prime.” He saluted and was gone.

Optimus laid on his side, looking around the plain, white room. It had a window, but he didn’t want to look out, not yet. The drone scuttled down beneath the berth, probably to start building a nest for itself.

A few hours later, Rung came in with a cube of energon, setting it on the counter. He gently laid a servo on Optimus’s shoulder to wake him. The Prime jerked in reflex and grabbed the psychotherapist’s arm. After a few moments of blinking to wake himself up, he let go. “Apologies. I startle awake sometimes.”

“It’s nothing to apologize for.” Rung assured him. “I merely wanted to make sure you received your evening fuel.”

“…Thank you.” He accepted the cube and tossed it back without tasting it. 

“When would you like to start our sessions, Optimus? I’m going to assume you know how this works.”

“I do.” Optimus sighed, knowing there was no getting out of it. “Tomorrow then, why not?”

“I have an early slot open.” Rung gave him the time before squeezing his servo gently. “I will see you soon.”

“Good night, Rung.” Optimus sighed. The doctor left and the Prime turned to the candle he had set into its holder. Starscream hated the dark, couldn’t sleep without at least one lit. Reaching into his subspace, he found the lighter the Seeker had made for him, inscribed with his initials. 

Running his digits over the gold case, Optimus took in the pattern of lines and curves again. Starscream had called it a Celtic Knot. At the time, Optimus had taken it for granted, not bothered to research possible meanings for the symbol. He wondered now, as he flicked the wheel and lit the bayberry candle before shutting the lighter with a click.


	5. The Password

He dragged himself to Rung’s Therapy Room when he woke up in the morning. The Bayberry candle had burned a quarter of itself during the night and he blew it out on his way out of the white room. It had been homey in the dark, but in the daylight it was a mockery of the coziness he had once enjoyed.

With a sigh, he went to see the therapist. Rung was waiting for him, datapad at the ready. “Take any seat you like.” He smiled up at Optimus. “Is this your first time with a therapist?”

“Yes.” Optimus chose a chair and sat down, folding his arms.

“I admit, I expected you a little sooner.” Rung admitted, polishing his optical enhancer. 

“What?” Optimus flatly questioned.

“I’ve had most of High Command through my clinic, even Prowl, Optimus. The stresses of the war take their toll on everyone. But somehow, you managed to slip through, until now.”

“…I’ve been busy. The men need me.”

“No one doubts your devotion, Optimus. I just want to help you back to leading shape. So, we’re going to start out with an exercise. Over the next cycle, I want you to think about what your ideal is. Not just your ideal for yourself, but for everything in your life. Try and work out the details and write it down if you need to. I’d also like you to start a journal. Let’s try and bring everything out into the light.”

“A journal of what?”

“Anything you like. Anything that strikes you as important or meaningful.”

“…All right.”

“Is there anything you want to talk about today?”

“No, not really. I just- I want to go back to my command, and I know I can’t. That frustrates me.”

“Do you resent your officers for relieving you of your command?”

“No… I understand why they did it. Knowing what Starscream and I were doing, what else could they do?”

“What about Starscream? Do you resent him for speaking out?”

Optimus had to think hard. “Part of me does, but I’m also… I feel guilty. I didn’t mean to use him so badly. I just- I thought he was just using me against Megatron, that our relationship wasn’t real.”

“Was it real?”

“I don’t know. I used to think it couldn’t be because he was always saying things that were insulting or demeaning. I thought he just liked having me in the land of the living because I kept Megatron occupied.”

“Why don’t you tell me something about him?”

“… He hated pastels, and the secondary colors.” Optimus looked around at the cream walls, the soft edges. “He liked uncompromising colors: Black, white, and red. He used blue as well, but he only used blue for the guest room and the kitchen.”

“Why do you think he liked such colors?”

“I don’t know.” Optimus replied, though now that he was thinking on it, it was strange. If anyone believed the world was shades of grey, it was Starscream. The Seeker made moral compromises easily, pursued his own goals with abandon and didn’t think of the cost to others. At least, that was what Optimus thought.

“Something tells me that analyzing how you feel about Starscream and who he was might help you come to terms with who you are and what you asked of him.”

“…It’s something to do, I suppose. Even if it is thinking.”

“I’m told you enjoy thinking.”

“I still do… But I don’t like thinking about the war, about everything we’ve lost.”

“Burying horrors will not help you in the long run, Optimus. I would like it if you would think deeply about the war. You don’t have to do it all at once, just take your time.” A timer rang. “And that’s our session. Next time, I’d like it if we could discuss more about Starscream and about your feelings of guilt.” Rung stood up and walked him to the door of the therapy room. 

Optimus shook his helm. “I don’t see how this is going to help. There’s still a war out there, one that needs to be fought by someone.”

“Fortunately, there are other brave mechs willing to fight as well.” Rung assured him. “I will see you soon. I’ll probably drop by your room or meet you in the garden in the between.”

“…I guess I’ll see you then.” Optimus left the room and walked along past the other patients. Their stares prickled at his armor. He missed Starscream. The Seeker had questioned his mental state often after sessions, but he had never stared at the Prime as if he didn’t understand him. There was something uncompromising about the Seeker’s processor that didn’t allow for pity.

Pity. He hated the very thought of the word. Others often accused him of taking too much pity on their enemies, of being too easy. Even captured Decepticons- especially those who resented the sad look in his optics- had accused him of feeling too much pity. He thought he understood now. It rankled his pride to be seen as weak and needing help. If this was how others felt when he looked at them, he would never do it again. It was humiliating. 

Starscream’s datapad was the only free one he had brought to the clinic with him. It was password locked when he tried to bring it off of the screen that flashed the address at him. With a sigh, he began playing with it, trying to make it open.

Starscream’s cleaning drone scuttled out from under the berth and climbed up onto his lap, humming. On a whim, Optimus typed “Drone” into the password bar. It came back negative. After his third try, a password hint appeared: Hobby.

Optimus tried ‘Upholstering,’ ‘Gardening,’ ‘Building,’ and even ‘Flying’ before the datapad uttered a tone. It gave him a message warning him that if he didn’t manage to find the right password on the next try, the ‘pad would lock until it received a message from Starscream’s frequency containing the reset PIN. 

He leaned on his servo and his optics trailed over the room, thinking. Hobbies, the Seeker had had in plenty. Which specific one would he have chosen as his password?

The Prime’s optics landed on a small pot with a tiny tree growing from it. Starscream had called his little trees a specific name. What was it…? Oh, right. Optimus tried one last word: Bonsai. The datapad gave a little tone and let him in.

He ignored the files that were on the ‘pad. They were none of his business. With care, he moved them into a folder labled “Starscream’s Files- Private” and opened a new folder for himself to use.

He opened up the text program and began a new entry. 

Entry One:

I don’t know what to write here. There’s so much scrap in my life at the moment. I’m using Starscream’s datapad. He gave it to me the first time we met as something other than enemies. I always meant to take it back to him, but it never happened. He never mentioned it either. 

It’s a very nice datapad. Solid, scientific, with lots of memory. I wonder if it was a gift from someone of a higher caste. It’s pre-war from the stamp on the side, and I know Starscream wasn’t well off before the war. He might have saved up for this, but it would have taken years on an average salary. Come to think of it, I don’t know if he was even paid the average. As a Seeker, he would have been subject to discrimination.

I wish I was back at the Ark, being useful for the war. It’s been a week since Prowl unofficially relieved me of my duties and I think I’m going to go insane with worry. I trust my men. I really do, but I can’t help but think that they can’t get along without me. I worry for them.

Optimus looked up. What was he doing? This was such stupidity. Starscream would laugh if he could see him. The convoy threw the datapad into a drawer and curled up with the drone. He was useless here.


	6. Black Shadow

Rung regarded him placidly when he was finally forced to return to the office. “How do you feel today?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.” The answer was frustrated and angry. He had lashed out that morning, at himself, and his knuckles were aching where he had punched the wall. 

“Why not? What’s happened?”

“… I’ve been thinking, and it’s just making me feel more and more useless. I’ve lost. Megatron was right: I am weak. This is pathetic.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’m not doing my part. For as long as I’m here, I’m just sitting around and my men are out there- dying, risking their lives, and I’m here. I wish I had just pressed on. I should be back at my command. I can do my job. That’s all that matters.”

“And your own health?”

“Secondary. In an ideal world, I would be able to manage it, but if I can’t, it’s not important. At least I’d be doing what I’m supposed to.”

“What do you think your men would think of that?”

“They’ve made it very clear what they think, forcing me to come here.” Optimus sighed, running a servo over his faceplates.

“What does that tell you?”

“…That my men value me. They just don’t understand how important they are to me.”

“And Starscream? What would he think?”

“He would laugh.”

“What makes you say that?”

“He was always accusing me of having something wrong in my processor, of being damaged. We never talked about it any further. He would drop the issue. But he appreciated irony.”

“And yet, when push came to shove, he pushed you towards help.”

“…I’ve never claimed to understand what motivated him.”

“And yet, I think you do.”

Optimus hunched in his shoulders. “Dammit, Optimus, I love you… And it’s because I love you, that I’m doing this.”

“I think that’s enough on that topic for today. Have you considered your ideal life?”

“Only for myself, what I should be.”

“Let’s talk about that then. Can you describe your ideal self?”

“Strong. But not just physically strong. Strong at spark. I want to be what people think I am. Able to take on anything and fix it.”

“And what are you?”

“I’m here.” Optimus shot him a glare that bordered on irritation. “So that should tell you everything you need to know.”

Rung sighed. “No one is an island, Optimus.” The timer rang. “Keep thinking on your ideals. We’ll talk further next time.”

Optimus stormed out and into the garden without speaking. He spent the time sitting beneath a tree and fuming, thinking over everything. Why, why, why… He never should have accepted Starscream’s offer. He should have known the Seeker would turn on him.

 

Jazz came to visit about a decacycle in. “How are you doing, Bossmech?”

Optimus was running his digits over the moss in Starscream’s small garden. “I’m fine. Eager to get back to my command.”

“Not until Rung gives the word.” Jazz reminded him.

“I am painfully aware of that, Jazz.” He sighed an ex-vent.

“I have news on your Seeker, if you wanna hear it.”

“He isn’t my Seeker. I doubt he’s anyone’s Seeker.” Optimus muttered.

“Well, he’s making a bit of a name for himself in the galaxy. Been hunting down major-player Decepticons and taking them out of the ring, freeing planets as he goes along. He deep-sixed Black Shadow just a bit ago.”

“…Why?”

“Your guess would probably be better than mine. I don’t know the Seeker. All I know is, if this is how sparkbreak looks on him, he must wear it well.”

“You know where he is?”

“I couldn’t get a message to him, if that’s what you mean. I can try, but he’s deep underground, working out of Decepticon battlefronts, places my mechs don’t generally go. Plus, he never stays long at a place and doesn’t want to be found- by bot nor con.”

“Yes, well, he can do what he wants.” Optimus ran his thumb over the moss on a rock, trying to encourage it. 

“…I’ll keep an audial and an optic out. Maybe we can get him to defect.”

“I doubt it.” Optimus snipped a stray branch off the small tree, taming it back into shape.

“…I guess I’ll jest leave you alone, then.”

“All right. Good bye, Jazz.”

Jazz gave him a long look and left. He had given Optimus plenty to think about and obsess over at least. Rung’s clinic didn’t often get news.

To think Starscream had often ridiculed him for being a hero. Look at him now: Saving planets, fighting phase-sixers. Megatron probably regretted letting him loose now.

…What did the Seeker want?

Optimus reached out and grabbed the datapad again.

Entry Two:

Starscream is acting weird now that he’s been tossed out of the Decepticons. He’s killed Black Shadow- one of Megatron’s notorious Phase Sixers. I suppose I was the closest person too him. Close enough to figure out his password. Perhaps I can puzzle this out as well. It’s something to do at least. 

Starscream likes monochrome, bold colors. Red, black, and white are his favorites. I’ve never thought about it before, but it is odd. If anyone is grey, it’s Starscream. Always out for his own ends, never feeling anything for others… I’ve thought of him as more villain than hero for as long as I’ve known of him. Perhaps he surrounds himself with sharp colors because of how soft his own morals are. Opposites attract, after all.

He likes to be comfortable. It doesn’t make sense for him to willingly put himself at risk. He had the perfect out, could have gone anywhere. He’s clever enough to blend in on some back water, build another of his homes and just live out of the line of fire. Why would he go up against Phase Sixers for no reason?

I thought he was just using me. That it was mutual manipulation driving us together. He needed me alive, I needed him to distract me. But he said… He said he loved me. And then he sent me here. I don’t know what to think about that. 

 

Optimus tossed the datapad aside again. His helm was beginning to ache with questions he could not answer. If only he could talk to the Seeker, question him. But Starscream never liked talking about personal issues. He avoided certain topics and was adroit at distracting the Convoy. He should have held the Seeker down and made him talk about these issues. He was so tired of this guessing game. So tired of not understanding.


	7. Missing Him

“You seem disturbed today.” Rung spoke softly. “Has something happened?”

“Jazz gave me some interesting news.” Optimus admitted.

“About?”

“Starscream is hunting out Phase Sixers and liberating planets from Decepticon control.”

Rung’s eyebrows jumped. “That is interesting. Any ideas why?”

“I thought it might be revenge for casting him out.”

“Does that really seem like his style?”

“No. He likes being comfortable, making elaborate nests. He wouldn’t want to hop from place to place like this and he’s never been interested in freeing any planet but Cybertron before.”

“So this is a deviation from the norm for him?”

“Of course. I mean- I think it is. The more I hear, the more I think, the less I know.”

“Why don’t you tell me something else about him?”

“Why are you so interested in Starscream? Aren’t these sessions supposed to be about me?” Optimus wryly questioned.

“I’m interested in Starscream because you are interested.” Rung replied, confusingly. “You wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about him if you weren’t.”

“…I am interested in him. I as good as lived with him for three years. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking.”

“I think that if you can unravel this, your relationship with Starscream, you may be able to unravel yourself.” Rung softly told him. “Starscream was very close to you, and you both obviously have different ideas of what went on during those three years.”

“…I don’t know how close we were. I guess… I guess we had to be. He told me that he loved me. That confuses me the most. How could he?”

“Have you heard the phrase, ‘when two go to bed, one will fall in love?’” Rung questioned, cleaning his optical enhancer.

“You think we just lived together for so long that he attached himself to me out of habit?”

“It’s a possibility.” 

“…I suppose it is. We didn’t talk about the war or our lives, but we spent so much time together… Sometimes I do miss him, just because he was here usually.”

“Miss him?”

“…He couldn’t sleep in the dark. He was afraid of not being able to see. So there was always a candle burning beside his berth. I’ve been burning one myself when I sleep. Sometimes… I wake up in the dark and reach out for him before my processor onlines fully. If that’s not missing him, what is?”

The timer rang before Rung could reply. “…I want you to continue thinking about this, Optimus. Examine your feelings for Starscream, and your memories of him. It obviously troubles you.”

“Shouldn’t I try to put things that trouble me out of my mind?”

“If they remain unexamined, they will never cease troubling you.”


	8. Angel's Wish

Optimus did his best to think about Starscream over the next few weeks. He began to notice that there was a cycle he went through. He would be sad and miss the Seeker, then angry, then he would think of something about him that would make him laugh. Then he would miss him and be sad again.

Rung did his best to help, diligently following up. They analyzed Optimus’s ideal life together, all of which seemed to give Optimus more and more to think about. 

When a white Seeker with gold detailing appeared on the clinic’s doorstep, Rung was shocked. The mech was dragging in Fortress Maximus- one of Overlord’s victims on Garrus Nine. He was traumatized, haunted. “Ah… Hello.” Rung looked up at the two mechs. “Who are you?”

“You can call me Angel. Everyone seems to. This is one of your own.” The Seeker flatly stated, keeping a servo on the other mech’s elbow, seemingly holding him in place in spite of his slight stature. “He needs help that I’ve heard you provide.”

Rung looked the white Seeker up and down. He was smaller than the average, with a sword strapped across his back, the hilt sticking out from near his hip where it was easily grasped. “Thank you for bringing him.” The Psychotherapist summoned a nurse to help him with Fortress Maximus. “What happened? I thought Fortress Maximus was a Prisoner of War on Garrus 9.”

“…Garrus 9 is no longer in Decepticon hands. Overlord is dead.” The Seeker turned away. As he did, Rung spotted the vague outline of a scarred X beneath the white and gold paint on his wings.

Rung’s lipplates pursed. “Starscream.”

The Seeker paused. “I suppose I should know better than to try and fool my own species.”

“There are not many unaffiliated Seekers.”

“Heh. Not many. There’s only one.” Starscream turned about and folded his arms. “Well, you have me. What do you want?”

“Are you aware that Optimus Prime is here, receiving treatment?”

Starscream went still. He hadn’t known. “Does he… Is he getting better?”

“It’s a long road. We’ll be walking down it for a long time, but you put him on it. Thank you.”

The Seeker’s faceplates darkened as he tipped his helm forwards, casting his expression into shadow. “Don’t thank me.”

“Would you like to see him?”

“No.” Starscream’s wings shrugged. “I don’t imagine he likes the thought of me much right now.”

“Probably not.” Rung admitted. “But he does think of you, often. I know he feels bad about how you parted.”

“…Don’t tell him I was here, please. I’m not good for him, and I can’t stay.”

“You would be welcome. There are always free berths.”

“Thank you for the offer, but no. I think you’d find that there would be no place for me here. I’ll work out my issues in my own way.”

“At least take my commsig. If you need to talk, it’s there.”

“…Fine.” The Seeker took the frequency and walked back to his shuttle. The Starcutter took off into the sky with ease.

Rung watched him go, pede tapping. There were two damaged mechs in that relationship. Perhaps he should have been more insistent with the Seeker, but he knew Megatron would have been forceful enough in the Seeker’s time and that was the last thing Rung wanted to emulate where Starscream was concerned.


	9. Realization

Fortress Maximus didn’t speak for days. When he did, it was like a tide. Rung had no trouble guiding him from topic to topic. 

“Overlord… He didn’t even kill on orders. He just enjoyed it.” Maximus had his knees to his chassis. “He hung me on the wall like a display and he used to do things to me just before he went to recharge. He said I was a lullaby.” He buried his knees in his optics. “He brought people in to interface with them and they all stared at me, at the mess I’d become.”

Rung made notes and listened.

“That was when I saw Angel.” Maximus hit on the exact topic Rung was most curious about. “Overlord brought him in to interface. I didn’t recognize him. I thought he might have been one of the prisoners, but Overlord kept teasing him about his new face.”

“A new face?”

“Yes. He said things like ‘I always knew you would change your paintjob, though there’s nothing like the classics.” Max hunkered down. “Then, they interfaced together, but it was different. It was like they were fighting as well as ‘facing. Angel kept egging Overlord on, acting like he wasn’t satisfied, until Overlord passed out. Then, he took out his sword and cut off his head.” Max’s optics became steely and satisfied. “He took me down, released the prisoners, and brought me here.”

“And do you feel safe?”

“…Not always. I know he’s gone. I know he’s dead. Angel showed me his spark chamber, showed me it was empty.” Max looked down at the floor. “But I don’t always know it when I’m asleep. Sometimes, I go to sleep and I’m back there.”

“That’s perfectly normal.”

“I fragging know it’s normal!” Fortress snapped suddenly. “Don’t you think I’ve told myself that all this time? Do you think I don’t know that I’m going to be living with this for the rest of my life?”

Rung waited for him to calm down. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

“No. I just- I want this to be over. I wish Overlord had finished me off. I wish he had stayed to his objective and leveled Garrus 9 like he was supposed to. I wish Angel had left me there. At least there things made sense, there was a cause and an event. Here, everything just sneaks up on me.”

Rung nodded. “What you’re feeling is normal, Fortress.” The timer rang. “Come back to my office if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone.”

Maximus nodded and stepped out. He passed Optimus Prime on his way in for his appointment and the two proud Autobots averted their optics from each other. 

“Fortress Maximus is here?” Optimus asked Rung.

“Yes, you must have seen him on his way out.” Rung polished his optical enhancer. “He was brought last week.”

“So, we liberated Garrus 9?”

“Not the Autobots. A Seeker named Angel did.” 

“Angel?”

“That was the name he gave when he brought Fortress.”

Optimus nodded, quiet. 

“We should continue where we left off. Have you given anymore thought to what your ideals would be? Perhaps the person closest to you?”

“That would be my mate, wouldn’t it?” Optimus wryly questioned.

“Would it?” Rung shrugged.

“Of course it would. I can’t imagine being in a relationship like that and being closer to someone else. My ideal mate… Well, he would be beautiful, I suppose, intelligent, good…”

“Don’t generalize. Be specific. Form this person in your mind.” Rung instructed.

“Right. Generous. Giving with himself. Intelligent, so I could bring home my processor benders and we could solve them together. Strong, so the war wouldn’t break them. Strong like I wish I was. But… But he should know that I would always be there for them. That I would support them as well.” Optimus’s faceplates were turned towards the floor, shading his expression. “He would be curious, about the galaxy and the world. We could explore things together, experiment. He’d be clever, we’d amuse each other bantering. But most of all, he’d be unflinchingly, unapologetically himself…”

Rung waited as the silence lingered in the corners of the room. 

“Primus… it always comes back to him, doesn’t it? It’s always going to be Starscream. I can’t think of anyone else.”

Rung made a note. “When you came here, you said you resented Starscream for sending you. Is that still true?”

Optimus wearily rolled his shoulders. “You may as well resent the wind for blowing. Starscream believed it was right, so he executed. He’s like that, and he’d never apologize, so there’s no point forgiving him. It just… is.”

That was monumental progress. Rung was delighted that Optimus had finally accepted the concern of the others in his life. 

Optimus was speaking again. “I never thought what we had was real. I really didn’t. If Starscream had admitted that it was…”

“What, Optimus?” Rung encouraged.

“I want to believe I would have done the right thing. That I would have loved him back, sought help before my officers would have seen fit to remove me from command. But I don’t know… I was using him subconsciously already. What if I had begun to use him consciously? Used his emotions to make him do what I wanted? When I think of that… I begin to wonder about the real differences between myself and Megatron.”

Rung reached out and laid a comforting servo on Optimus’s shoulder. “I don’t believe you would have used him, Optimus. Not on purpose. Everything I have seen and heard from you tells me that you are a good mech struggling under a weight no Cybertronian could ever carry. I believe that you would have loved Starscream, especially because I know you do, even now.”

“…I do. I guess I always will.” The Prime agreed, blue optics haunted.


	10. Pop Song

They ran across Deathsaurus largely by accident. Kaon was tracking another energy signature when he sensed the warworld. “Tarn. I’m picking up Deathsaurus and his team.”

“Divert course. Clench will keep for a bit. We’ll just clean up this nest of treason and be done.”

Kaon diverted as commanded. The Peaceful Tyranny glided out from behind a planet and directly in front of the massive station. But before they could do anything, a shadow fell over both. A massive warship, shaped like a Decepticon sigil, came out of hiding from behind the planet’s moon. In a blaze of missile fire, Deathsaurus’s warworld went up in fire and noise. All hands lost.

“Kaon?” Tarn ordered.

“On it.” Kaon turned his scanners on the new ship. “It’s Overlord’s, but Overlord isn’t on it. It’s…” His voice trailed off.

“The Disbarred.” Tarn growled. 

“The ship is angling for the planet below.” Tesaurus observed. “The Disbarred wasted all of its ammunition on the strike against Deathsaurus.”

“Follow it.” Tarn sat down in his chair. “Megatron’s orders concerning the Disbarred are clear. He is to be left alone unless he becomes an immediate danger.”

Helex chuckled darkly. “Always wanted to get my servos on that one’s wings.”

“Hush. Save your anticipation.” Tarn ordered, scolding the melter with a look.

“Yes, sir.” Helex nodded.

“Kaon.” Tarn spoke.

Kaon looked up. “Sir?”

“You will remain with the ship. Ensure that the Disbarred does not attempt to retrieve our guest.”

“Of course, sir.” Kaon’s coils tingled as he thought of the beautiful, slim Seeker medic waiting in his berth. There was a long, sordid story behind Pharma’s residence on the Peaceful Tyranny.

The medic had been Tarn’s mistress when he ran a clinic and had access to plenty of Transformation cogs. After an investigation had revealed exactly what was going on, after Pharma had been brought aboard the Peaceful Tyranny, Tarn cast him aside. The Seeker should have known Tarn only had optics for their lord, but he was still spark broken.

Kaon had saved him from being the group’s collective frag toy and given him shelter in his quarters. It wasn’t a selfless move, since having a sexy, skillful little Seeker was a reward in and of itself, but it was meant well.

Tarn, Tesaurus, Helex, and Vos made for the ship. It had put down on the equator and the doors were open. An invitation.

“… I don’t like this, Tarn. It’s too easy.” Helex pointed out.

“Even before he was disbarred Starscream was suicidal.” Tarn responded. “Now that he has been, he has no purpose. I don’t see why it shouldn’t be easy.”

“…Hasn’t he been taking out Phase Sixers? He might have his own List.”

“We are more than a match for Starscream. Vos, scan for life signs.”

“Isn’t this irony.” Starscream’s soft voice filled the corridors. “When we first met, we liked each other, Tarn.”

Tarn did not respond, listening. Starscream had been a lovely experience, one he wanted to have again, but he could talk a mech to death.

“Oh, don’t be boring, snuggletank. Talk to me.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

Starscream’s sigh was deep and soft.

Kaon’s voice crackled in. “I read one life sign from the bridge. It’s a neutral one, no Decepticon tag.”

“It’s him.” Tarn growled. “To the bridge, mechs.”

“You don’t own me…. I’m not just one of your many toys…” Starscream softly sang along to music over the intercom.

“He must be in bad shape.” Tesaurus shook his helm. “This is no fun with a crazy mech.”

“Agreed.” Vos clicked.

“We’ll do our job.” Tarn warned them. 

They never made it to the bridge. At the junction just below, they had to get into an elevator. With the suddenness of a breath, it locked down.

“What?!” Helex rattled the door. 

“Tarn?” Tesaurus looked down at the floor. He had pried up a piece of it. 

“Good-bye, Snuggletank.” The soft, unhinged crooning ended and the world was replaced with fire.


	11. Act Two

Optimus was making progress. Good progress. Rung was pleased with how well the treatment was going. Still, the convoy wasn’t at the end of his road and there was one last hurdle to leap over along the way.

“…I wish I could see Starscream.” Optimus sighed. Of late, their sessions had always come back to this. “I’ve been having nightmares about him. About how much he must be hurting. I wish I could help him.”

“Your treatment isn’t finished, Optimus. You can’t return to your command.” Rung warned slightly.

“I know I can’t go back to my command. I just… I want to see Starscream. I don’t care about anything else right now. I can’t.”

Rung’s eyebrow twitched. “Are you obsessing?”

“No- Yes, yes, I am.” Optimus sighed, ex-venting. He stood up, walked to a window. “Jazz keeps me updated on him.”

Rung privately considered the short bursts of conversation he occasionally partook in with the Seeker himself. “And?”

“He killed the DJD recently by blowing up a ship he was on. He came out of it all right, but that isn’t the point.” Optimus looked down at his servo. “I worry for him. I worry that if I don’t go find him, I’ll never see him again.”

“What would you do if you went to find him?”

“Do you mean before or after I found him?” Optimus wryly questioned. “I would try to convince him to come back here with me. Then, we would figure things out together.”

“I don’t generally encourage leaving my clinic before your treatment is over, Optimus.” Rung pushed his optical enhancer back into place.

“I know. But will you make an exception? For the sake of a potential patient?”

“…I’ll see what can be done.”

“Thank you, Rung.” Optimus whispered. 

 

The drone clicked as he returned to his room and sat on the berth. The moss garden was doing much better. Optimus had tended and repaired it to the best of his ability and memory. 

“Hey, Scuttle.” Optimus greeted the drone as it jumped up onto his shoulder. They were almost out of candles, he noted. He would have to ask for more, silly as the request was.

“We might get to see your builder.” Optimus told the drone. “We’re going to go look for him.”

Scuttle clicked and whirred happily. He had missed Starscream and been worried about him for as long as they had spent at the clinic.

“I knew you’d like that.” 

Scuttle clicked again and nestled down into the convoy, his weight pleasant.

Optimus tended the moss garden, spraying it carefully with water and picking up Starscream’s datapad to log another entry in his journal. He still had little to say, but it was becoming a habit.

Life was brighter for the Convoy. He didn’t dwell on his failures anymore. Instead, he was focused on fixing what he could, accepting what he couldn’t. And the biggest problem, the most glaring, and hopefully the most fixable, was Starscream. 

The Seeker was still off on his one-mech crusade against the Decepticons. There were few Phase Sixers left and Megatron was growing paranoid that he might be the next target when Starscream ran out of his big, bad mechs. 

Optimus didn’t think even Starscream, even with this new burst of power he was experiencing, could walk away from that one unscathed. He had to find him first and bring him home.


	12. Sing With Me

“This is all the help I can give you, unfortunately.” Rung sighed. “It’s a long-range shuttle. Prowl approved the usage.”

“It’s enough. Thank you, Rung.”

“Do you mind my asking where you’re going to start?”

“Belisma, the planet where we last heard of Sixshot. Starscream is going after Phase Sixers, so he’s bound to come for him.”

“Be careful. Sixshot probably won’t be alone.”

“I’m counting on that. It’s more difficult to track a single Decepticon.”

“Don’t make me regret this, Optimus.” Rung adjusted his optical enhancer. “Come back in one piece.”

“I promise I will. With Starscream in tow.”

“I hope so. I’ll see you when you get back.” Rung stepped back from the shuttle as Optimus fired its engines and aimed for the sky. 

 

Belisma was a beautiful world and Optimus soon picked up the inter-Decepticon radio signals coming from it. He set it to listen in on the gossip, trying to determine where Sixshot was on the planet.

“-Commander is paranoid lately.”

“Wouldn’t you be if you had someone coming for you?”

“Heh. Never knew old Starscream had it in him.”

“Don’t say his name, you could get in trouble.”

“Right. The Disbarred. Whatever.”

“Anyway, Commander’s fine. He’s got that hidden base up on one of the asteroids. He’ll see anyone who does come before they see him.”

“I’d call him a coward, but I don’t like the idea of just waiting here for the Disbarred to find us either.”

“We’re fine. He doesn’t care about grunts. Just the people in charge.”

“You never know when he’ll make an exception. He destroyed Deathsaurus’s warworld and all hands went down with him.”

“That was different. Deathsaurus and his guys were draining organic worlds of energy to keep the warworld running. All we’re doing is cleaning up after Sixshot.”

“And you don’t think he might take offense to that?”

“Nah. What’s done is done.”

“I hope you’re right. I’m going to recharge. See you at drills in the morning.”

“Yeah. It’s Sixshot’s turn to drill us. Bet it’s a short morning.”

“Heh. Night.”

Optimus steepled his fingers. Ten to one Starscream was out there somewhere and had heard exactly the same conversation. Belisma was surrounded by asteroids. Finding Sixshot’s supposed secret base would be near impossible. Starscream needed to get Sixshot while he was on-planet.

In fact… What was that? A long, pointed object was breaking out of the asteroids and making for the planet. Optimus focused his cameras in on it. It was a long-range Decepticon shuttle. The Starcutter.

“Hello.” Optimus murmured, focusing in on it. The cockpit was covered in a mirrored coating. But he would bet anything it was Starscream making for the planet.

He set his own shuttle to follow the other one down into the atmosphere, but lost it on the continent and had to set down elsewhere. 

He began making for the Decepticon base with great care. Starscream had to be somewhere here and he would be after Sixshot’s head. He just had to wait until the Seeker made his move. Hunkering down, he settled in to wait out the dark cycle.


	13. SOS

Starscream set up his broadcast and hacking equipment as planet dawn approached. He had been listening in to comm systems since setting down and was just waiting to put his plan into motion. Sixshot had arrived and morning drills would begin soon. With a few backdoor codes no one knew about but him, a nice tap or two, and he was into the internal broadcast system. All he had to do was wait for Sixshot to be in the courtyard and the Phase Sixer would have leveled his last planet.

He tuned into the inter-Decepticon radios and began listening in.

“-Sixshot calling us all for drills. What’s the point? We’re done here. Phase Seven is go.”

“Shut up. We get paid the same either way.”

“Yeah, almost nothing.”

“Hang on- What’s that?”

“Looks like a mech. Thinks he’s being sneaky.”

Starscream dialed in more closely, frowning. A mech, here? A strange mech?

“Show yourself!”

“He’s running!”

“After him!”

“I don’t believe this- It’s the fragging PRIME!”

“It’s who?!”

“Call Sixshot! This is worth skipping drills for.”

Starscream’s jaw dropped open and his optics widened. Optimus? No, it couldn’t be. He was still at Rung’s clinic. His treatment wasn’t finished-

Still, the chatter over the radio said otherwise. Optimus was here, on planet, and Starscream found himself scrambling for a Rescue plan. Because of course the idiot Convoy had gotten himself in over his helm.


	14. Kill Code

Optimus sighed, fiddling with the cuffs Sixshot’s men had put on his wrists. Well, he had been trying to think of a plan to get inside. Being captured was one way to do it. Starscream would come along soon, surely. Nothing to worry about. 

Sixshot was a massive mech, towering over Optimus. The Prime did his best to remain stoic as Sixshot raved about the “Disbarred” demanding to know where he was and what part the Prime played in his plans. 

Optimus remained silent. Sixshot’s processor seemed to be glitching with the terror he held for Starscream. Ironic, since none of the Phase Sixers had respected the second in command while he allied himself with the Decepticons.

“ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?” 

Sixshot was about to throw a punch into Optimus’s face when one of his men jerked up. “Sir!”

“What is it?”

“There’s a long-range Decepticon shuttle on a collision course with the Northern tower!”

“The Disbarred.” Sixshot hissed. “All units, go! I will take the prisoner to the panic room.” Sixshot grabbed Optimus and dragged him off. “Now, are you going to answer my questions?” He hissed in the Prime’s face as soon as the door had sealed behind them and they were locked into the chamber. “Where is the Disbarred? What is he planning? What part do you play?”

“He doesn’t.”

Both mechs jumped in shock at the voice and turned slowly. Starscream was standing beneath an open vent, sword in servo. His wings were cruelly bolted down to his back so he could crawl through the vents.

Sixshot hissed, dropped Optimus, and crouched for the fight. Starscream smirked and spoke: “Reset: pi-orion-actual-orbit. Enable."

Sixshot gave a cry of despair as his processor locked up and he collapsed.

And Optimus was left facing down the mech he had searched for.


	15. Second Meeting

“Starscream, I’ve been-“ Optimus approached the Seeker, but Starscream wasn’t paying attention to him.

“You’re too wide.” Starscream muttered, looking up at the vents. “Optimus, I need you to shut up for now. I have to think of a way to get us out.” He began digging beneath the computer panels on one wall.

“All right. Is there anything-?”

“No! Found it!” Starscream popped the manual release and the door to the safe room slid open. “Come on, we have to do this the old fashioned way. I assume you have a ship?”

As he spoke, a tinny voice began speaking. “Self-destruct activated. Thirty klicks to detonation.”

“I do.” Optimus turned and ran out of the room, Starscream quickly taking the lead. 

“Good. I can’t transform at the moment, so I’ll have to rely on you for transportation. Think you’re up to the task?” Starscream questioned as they pounded out and into the main section of the base. Starscream’s beloved Starcutter was half-buried in the northern tower.

Optimus rolled into his alt mode and Starscream perched on the back, firing at their pursuers. 

“My shuttle is this way.”

“I hope your hiding skill is better than your sneaking skill.”

“I’ll have you know, being captured was part of the plan.”

“Hmm. No it wasn’t.”

They made it to the shuttle and Optimus scrambled to jump it and get it ready to go. Starscream kept the hordes of Decepticon soldiers at bay with careful shots of his null rays and judicious lobs of grenades.

“Come on, Starscream!” Optimus bellowed as the shuttle began lifting slowly from the ground.

The Seeker back-flipped up into the shuttle and slammed his fist down onto the door controls, sealing the shuttle.

Optimus took them into deep space before exiting the cockpit and heading to the back to speak to the Seeker.

Starscream was sitting on the only couch, working on unbolting his wings. It had been a hasty job, one that could have been accomplished with clamps with less damage. There were three holes drilled through each wing to keep them together against his back. It couldn’t have been painless. 

“Let me help.” Optimus started forwards, but Starscream gave him a look and finished the unbolting with an easy tug, letting his wings pop out to their full span.

Optimus took Starscream in with a long look from helm to pede. The Seeker had been painted entirely white and his lines seemed different. He was still slender and elegant, but he had clearly received an armor upgrade at some point. His pedes had been raised a few extra inches by a thruster upgrade and the angle of his wings had been subtly changed, making it sharper, more acute. There was an even more startling change to his wings, though, for they had been painted. Not merely with the broad, bold slabs of colors that the Cybertronians favored, but with elegant, subtle touches. It seemed that some artist had re-imagined Starscream’s wings into the wings of some beautiful, fiery bird. The feathers were blended gold, red, and blue, layered upon each other with all the care only an artist can take. It was as if Starscream’s wings had caught fire and become angelic in their blaze.

“Starscream… you’ve changed.” Optimus was gratified, though, to see that his faceplates were much the same, in spite of a slightly darker lip color.

“Optimus, what the Pit are you doing here?” Starscream cut to the chase. 

“I was looking for you. I-“

“Your treatment isn’t over.” Starscream folded his arms angrily. “Did you leave Rung’s clinic?”

“I was allowed to leave. Rung deemed it necessary to my continued recovery.”

Starscream pinched his nasal vent. “So you hunted me down here, got yourself captured by Sixshot, and this is supposed to be conducive to recovery?”

“I found you.”

“You ruined my plans to take out Sixshot and forced me to bind in my wings to save your plating. You’re lucky I came for you at all after the stunt you pulled.”

“I had to get into the fortress to wait for you somehow.”

“I didn’t intend to enter the fortress at all!” Starscream hissed. “I had hacked into their loudspeaker system and I was going to transmit Sixshot’s kill code from a safe distance. You ruined all of that by barging in like a force of nature.”

Optimus was silent. There wasn’t really a response to an accurate accusation. 

Starscream ex-vented heavily. “We’re going back to Rung’s clinic.” 

“Good, about that-“ 

“I’m going to drop you off, then I’ll be taking this shuttle since I had to crash mine.” Starscream continued. “And we’ll both be off to what we should be doing.”

“But, Starscream, I came to bring you back with me. I thought-“

“You thought what? That I had spent all this time pining for you and this whole quest was in your memory?” Starscream made a grand gesture with one servo. “How very Byronic of you.” He paced towards the cockpit. “I have my own reasons for my hunt, but if you think I’ll fly back to you at the flick of your little finger and throw myself back into your arms, you’re wrong.”

Optimus was silent, servos clenching helplessly. “Starscream… That’s not why I’m here.”

“Really? Then why?”

“I came… to apologize. To ask you to forgive me.”

“Very well. I’m listening.”

Optimus’s glossa tripped on itself. “I- I… Starscream, I’m sorry. I used you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I understand if you can’t forgive me, but I beg you to. I want a second chance for us to be together.”

“I accept your apology.” The Seeker turned back to the cockpit and stepped inside. “But I have other business to attend to. We’re going back to Rung’s clinic and you’ll stay there until I’ve finished it.”

Optimus chased after Starscream. “Starscream!”

“I honestly don’t know what you thought would happen, Optimus. The last time we saw each other, you had just demanded that I nearly beat you to death and then I had to call and tell your officers what happened. It’s not exactly conducive to this whatever you’re doing.” Starscream was tapping coordinates into the computer.

“I’m not going back to Rung’s clinic without you.”

“You’re going back to Rung’s clinic.” Starscream stated with utter calm. “And you’re going to stay there until you’re fit to take back your command.”

“Then you have to stay with me.” Optimus pleaded. “I’ll never be fit again without you. As much as I didn’t intend it, you’re a part of me.”

Starscream was silent and still as his servos hovered over the keyboard, considering.


	16. Two Fixed Points

The Seeker lowered his servos, erased the coordinates and input a second set. “Fine. You can come along with me on this last piece of business, but you must promise to do exactly as I instruct in every way.”

“Of course.” Optimus promised. “Where are we going?”

“Cybertron.” Starscream answered. “To the old foundries.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going to set a trap for Megatron.” The Seeker replied. 

“All right.” Optimus slid into the co-pilot’s chair. “I hope you have a plan.”

“I have a few plans depending on what we can find to use.”

“Good. Care to share any of them?”

“No. Not yet.” Starscream punched the coordinates and the ship jumped to lightspeed. “But I do have something I saved from the Starcutter that I need to install here in this ship.”

“What is it?”

“You’re never going to believe this.” Starscream grinned. “It’s a teleporter.”

“A teleporter? Where did you get it?”

“Killmaster’s laboratory.” Starscream chuckled. “I found it while I was rummaging through the rubble when I was done with him. I have everything on it too, the theory, the blueprints.”

“That’s amazing!” Optimus exclaimed. “So that’s how you’ve been getting in and out of the Phase Sixers’ fortresses!”

“Not quite. It’s how I’ve been getting out, yes, but in is a different story.”

“Why not both ways?”

“Because this teleporter doesn’t work like that. It needs two very precise points to work. There’s no way to calculate a location and send a mech to it. The mech, however, can be at a location and then return to the ship because the two points, in that case, are fixed and no calculation is required. Of course, this means that the mech in question needs to be still.”

“How does it do that?”

“Nanobots.” Starscream pulled out a partially filled vial. “I have enough for two more doses. Here.” He handed it to Optimus. “I’ll give you an injection of them later. Take a look.”

Optimus stared at the silvery dust inside. 

“They’re single-use, unfortunately. Tiny fuses in their little bodies burn out when they’re used.” Starscream handed Optimus a red controller with a protected button. “A press of that button, and the nanobots return to the teleporter along with anything they were inside of.”

“Amazing.” Optimus muttered, looking at it. “And you have all of the files for these?”

“Yes. I’ll give them to you for Perceptor.”

“Thank you. This will be incredibly useful.”

“Thank me when I get you back to Rung’s clinic.”


	17. A Moment

The old foundries were silent and rusty. Tribute to an era long gone. An era of industry. Starscream set their little shuttle down inside the hollowed hull of a factory and began working on the teleporter. 

“I am sorry. About your shuttle.” Optimus handed him tools as necessary as Starscream installed the receiver. “I know how you feel about your nests.”

“It wasn’t a nest.” Starscream shrugged. “I hadn’t outfitted it with anything special, built, or grown anything. I always knew I might have to sacrifice it someday.”

Optimus frowned remembering the elaborate home the Seeker had built, all the attention to detail. He had just stopped all of that? His main form of stress relief, simply abandoned?

“What?” Starscream looked up. “You went quiet all of a sudden.”

“I was just thinking of how things change.” Optimus sighed, cupping the Seeker’s cheek with one servo. 

“Please don’t do that.” Starscream lifted his face away from the Prime.

“Sorry.” Optimus withdrew the servo. “I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that.” Starscream replied. “You’ll make me singe my digits if you cuddle me while I’m working here.”

“Oh.” Optimus chuckled and handed him more electrical tape. “So, you wouldn’t be against cuddling? Later?”

“…I don’t know. Maybe. There’s- My life has been a ride lately, Optimus.”

“It sounds like it. Black Shadow, Overlord, Killmaster, Sixshot… Not lightweight mechs.”

“No.” Starscream’s optics were focused on his work as he closed up the panel again. “Not lightweights.”

“Starscream… Why? Why do all this?”

“I woke up.” Starscream shrugged. “I guess I’d been asleep for far too long and I needed a sharp wake-up call. The first planet I liberated was from a squad of Decepticons who had been mining massive amounts of steel. A steel strong enough to cut and shatter Unutrium.”

Optimus made a noise of surprise.

“Yes. My reaction exactly.” Starscream nodded. “I drove them off, destroyed their findings. No one would believe them. But I spent some time on that world, with the people who lived there. They were a clan of warriors and I suppose they saw me as a friend. One day, they led me to an oven where they had set up a massive forge. I didn’t care what happened to me at that point, so I let them make me lie down and strip off my paint.” He touched the scars where the X-brands were. “I thought they were going to hill me. That this might be the end. But they set their greatest smiths on me and coated and plated me with their precious steel.” 

Optimus touched the plated metals that covered Starscream’s shoulder. It was smooth as silk, felt even smoother than it had when he had run his digits over the Seeker so long ago. 

“It was like being reborn. I stood up when they were done and looked down at myself and I was grey and new. I couldn’t go back to being who I used to be. I painted myself that evening. White. I wanted to be white, wanted to stay new.” He looked down at his servos. “I soon realized that if I was to stop being Starscream, I would have to kill my past in every way. My past is the Decepticons. I don’t know if I have a future, but I want it to be entirely new. I want to start fresh and clean.”

Optimus gently folded the Seeker to his chassis. “Then I want to help you.”

“I don’t know if you can.” Starscream stared into infinity. “You’re part of the past. Part of what was scraped off of me so that I could be made new.”

Optimus kissed his helm. “Then let me make myself a part of this new person’s life.”

“Mmm…” Starscream reflected later that it must have been a moment of weakness, the fatal flaw in his attempt to remake himself, but he turned slightly in Optimus’s arms and kissed him.


	18. The Foundry

Optimus lifted Starscream into his arms and held him close. “Primus, Stars, I’ve missed you.”

“I… I missed you too.” The Seeker admitted, clutching the arm struts that Optimus wrapped around his cockpit. “I thought about you sometimes.”

“I thought about you almost all of the time. I was angry at first, when I was still wrestling with myself, but… But you did right. You were right. There was something wrong with me. Something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I was angry because I didn’t want to face that, but you saved me. And I am sorry. I treated you shabbily.”

“No more of that. I don’t want to think about that.” Starscream murmured. “I think we should start over and pick up where we left off at the same time. As if we never had one of those sessions.”

“I’m all right with that.” It was far better than he could have ever let himself hope for. His Seeker still wanted him, still loved him, in spite of it all. That should be enough for any mech. “I have something to show you.”

“Indeed? What is it?” Starscream looked up at him. 

“Scuttle. Come out, boy.” Optimus snapped his fingers, summoning Starscream’s old cleaning drone.

“Oh, Optimus. You named it?” Starscream sighed and shook his helm and the mixture of exasperation and love across his faceplates was so clear and genuine that it made Optimus’s spark skip. 

“I took care of him after Megatron destroyed your home.” Optimus scooped Scuttle up and deposited him in Starscream’s arms. “He’s been waiting to see you.”

“Oh, Optimus. He’s not a sentient being.” Starscream rolled his optics, but Optimus noticed that one arm cradled the drone as the other servo stroked it. “You’re so ridiculous.”

Optimus kissed his helm. “So are you.”

 

Starscream insisted on getting some work done before they lost the light, so they stepped out of the shuttle and went exploring. 

“What are we looking for?” Optimus questioned.

“We need a foundry or a smelting plant with equipment that’s still mostly intact.” Starscream explained. “Something we can get working again with relative ease.”

“Why?”

“Well, we need a furnace. Something that can melt someone. I’m going to lure Megatron into it and we’ll see him off.”

“…Well, that’s clever.”

“Do you disagree?”

“I’m wondering how we’ll lure Megatron into a smelter.” Optimus admitted. 

“Oh, leave that to me. I know everything about him.” Starscream scoffed. “Rust-helmed, processor dead, tyrant that he is.”

“I suppose you would be the one to know.” Optimus admitted. “But it makes me nervous, nevertheless.”

“Don’t worry, Optimus. If we get in trouble, you’ll press the red button and be off in a flash. Even Megatron can’t move fast enough to stop us.”

“I think your plan is depending on him coming alone.”

“Yes, and that will be a trifle harder, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve regarding Soundwave that I might be able to use.” Starscream tapped his lipplates. “And we can always set some traps for anyone coming with him. Short of another few Phase Sixers- and I know he doesn’t have any up his sleeve- there isn’t a Decepticon in the ranks I can’t take care of with a rifle from 5000 meters.”

“Hmm.” Optimus nodded, transforming and walking into a foundry. “Take a look at this, Starscream.”

Starscream flew in through an open window and landed, transforming. “It’s all right.” He looked down at a control board and up at the machinery. “Seems mostly intact. We just need to repair and fuel the generator.” He flew down to one end, where the smelter was and checked it as well, climbing in. “It’s large enough, certainly.” He nodded. “Large enough for three mechs Megatron’s size.”

Optimus peered down into the smelter through the automated door. Suddenly, he had a vague feeling of anticipation and a sick lurch in his tanks. “Starscream, come out of there. I don’t like you being down there.”

“It’s perfectly safe. It hasn’t been used for vorns.” Starscream called up to him. He stomped the floor, making it ring. “Yes, this will do nicely.”

“I’m glad you’re pleased. Now please, come out.” He reached down and pulled the Seeker up. “This thing frightens me. I don’t know why.”

“You’re being silly. The only threat this smelter holds is for Megatron.” Starscream kissed his forehelm. “Now let me mark these coordinates and let’s go back to the shuttle. We should enjoy our first evening together again.”


	19. Lost

Optimus followed the Seeker back to the shuttle, putting his unease aside. Starscream was there when he arrived. The Seeker had sped forwards, but when Optimus went up into the shuttle, he seemed at a loss for what to do with himself.

Optimus came up behind him, dropped a kiss on his neckcables. The Seeker jumped three feet and threw Optimus over his shoulder with a roll of his body. 

The Prime groaned as he hit the wall. “Starscream!”

“Optimus! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Starscream rushed over to him and knelt beside him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just surprised. Where did you pick that trick up?”

“The same place I picked you up, Optimus. I looked into Human Martial Arts after I had left. They’re the most ingenious little creatures.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing coming from you.” Optimus took his servo and they stood up. “You looked like you’d seen a ghost. Is anything wrong?”

“I was just…. Frozen. I wanted to put a tea pot on and I realized I couldn’t because I don’t know if you even have a kettle.”

“I have one.” Optimus pulled Starscream close to him. “I wanted to make things comfortable for you, so I asked Jazz and Prowl to help me get them.”

“For me? Well, you have been obsessing.”

“Not obsessing. Well, maybe a little. But Rung always encouraged it. Said I had to come to terms with who you are and what you mean to me to make progress.”

“Indeed. I haven’t spoken to Rung recently. Probably why I didn’t know you had been released briefly.”

“….Wait. You’re in contact with Rung?”

“He insisted I take his comm sig after I brought Fortress Maximus to his clinic.”

Optimus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nasal vent. “He never told me he knew who you were.”

“Rung is perceptive. Of course he knew. I asked him not to tell you I was there.”

“…I would have liked to see you.”

“I know.” Starscream stroked his cheekplate. “I would have liked to see you too, but I had business and things to sort out, and I didn’t want to get in the way of your healing.”

Optimus’s servo came up to cover Starscream’s and his optics closed. He hummed through his nasal vent. “I’m tired. It’s been a long… however long it’s been since I last recharged.”

“Go to berth. I’ll bring you a cube.” Starscream quietly went up on tipped to kiss his cheekplate. “And I’ll stay with you until we have to get up.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Optimus leaned down to kiss his forehelm. “Thank you.”

Starscream nuzzled his mask. “Go on. I can practically smell tired on you.”

Optimus headed for the berth and was in recharge almost as soon as he laid his helm on the pillow. After a few minutes, Starscream came in with the energon, setting it on the table beside Optimus before carefully wiggling and snuggling his way into the berth as well.

As he rested against the convoy, silent tears trickled out of his optics. Once again, he was lost.


	20. Mind Reading

They spent the next few days getting re-acquainted and repairing the foundry to working order. Starscream programmed the machinery into a gauntlet of traps and converted the controls from a single switchboard to a servo-held controller. “We’ll try to funnel him down the assembly line.” He told Optimus as they welded plates of steel around the machinery, creating a rudimentary pen. “I’ll be down near the smelter with the controller. He’ll have to come down the assembly line to get to me, going the opposite direction that the line will be moving.”

“Hopefully, he’ll wear himself out.” Optimus mounted sentry guns at various intervals. “Or maybe one of these guns will get in a lucky shot.”

“Don’t worry. I still have a few aces up my sleeve.” Starscream stuck explosive putty onto a packaged payload and stabbed the igniter into it.

“I hope you do.” Optimus replied. “So, where do you want me while all this is going down?”

“As far from the action as possible. Back on the ship if we can manage it.” Starscream rattled his wings when the convoy went to protest. “I don’t want to confuse Megatron’s processes by letting him get a peek at you, Optimus. He has to think I’m alone.”

“Then I’ll be up in the catwalks, out of sight.”

“If you insist. Just don’t forget to press the teleportation button when it’s time to go.”

“Of course not, Starscream.”

The Seeker leaned over and kissed him on the lips. “I love you, Optimus.”

The Prme smiled up at his Seeker. “I love you too.”

Starscream’s comm pinged. “Excuse me, darling. I have to go meet Soundwave.”

“Are you sure you can trust him?”

“Not as far as I can throw him, but Megatron has to be getting more unstable and without me there as his favorite toy and punching bag. There’s an opening there, and Soundwave knows how to manipulate Megatron. Not as well as I do, but he does know.”

“All right. I’m coming to get you if you’re gone too long, though.”

“Of course, of course.” Starscream waved it off. “Keep on with the construction. I have a spy to visit.”

Optimus kept up mounting the guns and placed the explosives where Starscream’s datapad indicated. From what he could figure, the Seeker intended to use them to trip and push Megatron into the smelter when the tyrant reached the end of the assembly line. Then, they would wait long enough to make sure he wouldn’t be climbing out again, and return to the shuttle. He doubted either of them would be celebrating that evening, though. 

 

Starscream reached the rendezvous with Soundwave and transformed, landing after taking a scan of the area. Soundwave was alone. “Soundwave.”

“Starscream. Query: Why did you ask to meet Soundwave?”

“Why did you come?”

Soundwave was silent. “Soundwave: Worries. Megatron: Growing more unstable.”

“As I suspected. Help me get rid of him, Soundwave.”

“Starscream’s actions: Destructive to the Decepticon cause. Query: Why should Soundwave help you?”

“Because with Bucket-brain out of the way, you can finally open up peace negotiations with the Autobots.”

“Starscream: Does not wish for leadership?”

“No. I never want to be known as a Decepticon again.” Starscream touched his cockpit where one of his brands had been. 

“Query: Why?”

Starscream sighed deeply. “I can’t explain. Soundwave, this is your chance.” He lowered his firewalls. “Take a peek.”

He felt a buzzing in his audials as Soundwave plunged into his mind almost with abandon, examining his memories and emotions with care. When he pulled out, silence fell over them both while Starscream put his firewalls back up and recovered.

“Well? Will you help me?” Starscream spoke when he could find his voice. The first drops of rain hit their shoulders and began trailing down his wings.

“Soundwave: Wishes Starscream would reconsider.”

“There’s no other way. Megatron has to die.”

Soundwave tilted his helm in acknowledgment. “Soundwave: Will send Megatron to find you, alone.”

“I’m grateful, Soundwave. Honestly.”

“Soundwave: Wishes Starscream good luck.”

“Thank you, Soundwave.” Starscream nodded and turned away. “Lead well. Bring peace.”

“Soundwave: Will work with Prime. Soundwave: Will take care of Cybertron.”

“Good.” Without another word, Starscream leapt up into the rain and the night.

Soundwave stared after him, visor flashing and dulling with emotions, then turned to return to the Decepticon base. At long last, he was forced to turn against his Leader.


	21. The Entirely Self-Indulgent Sex Scene

Starscream spotted Optimus near the entrance to the warehouse where they had hidden the shuttle. He landed beside the convoy. “What are you doing out here?”

“I was waiting for you. It started to rain, so I worried.” He took Starscream’s servos. “You’re freezing. Come inside, let’s wash you off.”

Starscream smiled and allowed himself to be drawn inside and into a warm shower. “Soundwave will help.”

“Are you sure?” Optimus questioned, taking up a cleaning cloth and running it across the beautiful paint on Starscream’s wings.

“Certain. He wants peace, Optimus, and Megatron wants devastation.”

“Good then. It hardly feels real, that we have a real chance of ending the war here and now.”

“I know.” Starscream leaned onto his windshield as he ran the cloth over the backs of his wings and spinal strut. His arms came up to Optimus’s neck and he pulled himself up for a kiss.

Optimus’s servos went to Starscream’s hips and he supported the Seeker’s aft with one arm, stroking the small of his back with the other. “What do you want to do, Starscream, after the war’s over?”

“I don’t know. I’ll build another nest, I suppose.” Starscream softly laid his helm in the crook of Optimus’s neck and began pressing soft kisses there.

“Will it be a nest big enough for two or for one?” Optimus questioned, digits tracing a hip joint.

“Oh, Optimus, you should know the answer to that question.” Starscream scolded, nipping him gently. “Why would I want to live without you?”

“Good. Because I don’t think I’d want to live without you.” Optimus murmured, free servo running up his side.

“Oh, nonsense.” Starscream kissed him. “I want you to promise me something, Optimus. Don’t kill yourself over me. If I die when Megatron comes along, promise you’ll go on. Find someone else to love.”

“…I will promise you that I will go on if you die, Starscream, because I get the feeling if I don’t, you’ll kill me.” Optimus leaned their forehelms together. “But don’t ask me to find someone else after loving you this long.”

“Oh, Optimus.” Starscream sighed and nuzzled him. “Fine then. So long as you live.”

“Promise me the same thing.” Optimus told Starscream. “Promise you’ll live, even if I die.”

“… I can’t promise that, Optimus. I just can’t.” Starscream leaned on him. “You’re my whole life. You and Megatron are my reasons to exist. If I lose you…”

“Then promise me you’ll go to Rung and let him try to help you first.”

“…I promise that.” Starscream kissed Optimus. “Now enough of this. Are you going to frag me or not?”

Optimus chuckled. “Always right to the point, darling.”

“Hmph.” Starscream kissed him again, biting his lip slightly. “And you are over-fond of the sound of your own voice.”

“Only because I can hear your voice when I use mine.” Optimus responded in kind, denteas nibbling the edge of the Seeker’s intake.

“Oh, you sap!” Starscream sighed, servos going to the Prime’s grill and sinking in suddenly to pluck at the wires below. Optimus’s engine revved and purred against the Seeker and he pulled him into a deep kiss, one servo shooting out to support them both against the cool, tile wall. With a few clicks, his panel folded aside and his spike pressurized beneath Starscream’s aft. It gave the seeker an idea. “Optimus, have you ever fragged someone up the other hole?”

Optimus blinked at the question. “I can’t say I have…”

“Would you like to?”

“…Doesn’t it hurt?”

“Not if you’re careful. If you’re careful, it’s a lot of fun.” Starscream nuzzled him. “It’s something I’ve never done for you. I’d like to do it now.”

“You don’t have to do anything for me, Starscream. I’m happy with what we usually do.”

“Yes, well, I’d like us to have this as well.” Starscream wiggled his aft. “And if you don’t like it, we’ll never have to do it again.”

“…All right. If you’re sure.”

“Of course I am.” Starscream folded away both of his panels. “Come on, Optimus. I’ll walk you through it.”

Optimus hummed in concentraction and Starscream smiled. He loved having all of the Prime’s attention. “First, try familiarizing yourself with my secondary port. Touch it, stroke it, do whatever you want.”

The Seeker shivered softly when the Prime adjusted his hold and reached down to touch his aftport. It was a small ring of rubber that puckered his protoform into a tight furl. “There we go.” He whispered, kissing Optimus’s audial. The Prime was leaning over his shoulder, trying to get a look at what he was doing and shivered slightly when Starscream whispered to him. 

“Try pushing just the tip of a digit in.” Starscream was beginning to rock his hips. “It’s been a while for me, so I’ll need to be stretched.”

Optimus nodded, pressing his circling digit just a centimeter into the waiting frame. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“Optimus, do you take me for a fragile femme? I’m fine.” Starscream rocked himself on the exploring digit. “You can go a little deeper. Work it in slowly.”

Optimus nodded, focused. He began wiggling and pressing the digit in deeper, growing more bold. “Like this?”

“Exactly like that.” Starscream moaned softly. “Keep it up. Add a second digit when you’re ready.”

Optimus pressed the blunt tip of his second digit in along side the first. Starscream’s rocking drove his digits further up into the Seeker and he caressed the Prime with his digits. He wasn’t ashamed to admit he was nervous. It was moments like these that he became so very aware of how slight and delicate Starscream was compared to his own, massive frame. The last thing he wanted was to hurt the Seeker.

“It’s okay.” Starscream told him softly when he felt Optimus hesitate to push a third digit in. “I’m okay.”

“I’m nervous.” Optimus admitted.

“Well, don’t be. You’re doing great.” Starscream made a particularly deep rock. “Come on, just one more digit.”

Optimus nodded, positioning his third digit to press slowly in. It was tight and difficult to move the three digits as he bobbed them up and down, like Starscream had instructed. He was aided by the Seeker’s own rocking and finally flared out his digits for a final stretch.

“Ah!” Starscream cried out when he brushed across a sensitive patch of nodes. “Ah! Right there!”

Optimus pressed on the spot, chuckling when Starscream squirmed. “Well, I think I’m beginning to like this.”

“Fragger! Frag me!” Starscream hissed. “Come on, I’m ready!”

“Are you sure?” Optimus kissed him.

“Yes! Now!” Starscream commanded his lover.

Optimus pinned the Seeker to the cool, tile wall and lined up his fat spike with the stretched port. “Here we go.”

“Stop teasing!” Starscream hissed.

Optimus chuckled and began pushing into the tight, warm entrance.

They both moaned softly. It took three tries to get Optimus’s head fully seated and he continued to push slowly once it went in. 

“Oh, Primus…” Starscream hissed, still rocking his hips slowly. “You’re bigger than Megatron ever was.”

“I will take that as a compliment and a warning.” Optimus kissed his helm. “Am I hurting you?”

“Slag No, and if you pull out, I will rip your spark out with my denteas.” Starscream hissed back, lipplates meeting Optimus’s in a demanding kiss. “Now come on!”

Optimus’s engine revved and his optics blazed. It was short and difficult. Both were constantly frustrated by the shallow, slow thrusts he was forced to use, but that only wired both of them higher until they reached completion, jerking and clutching at each other. 

When they came back to themselves, the solvent was running cold on their overheated frames. 

“I love you.” Starscream whispered.

“I love you too.” Optimus pressed a soft kiss to his lipplates.


	22. The Bottle

Soundwave pinged Starscream with an estimated time for Megatron’s arrival and Starscream and Optimus spent the evening before doing some last minute preparation and arguing.

“I can help.” Optimus complained to Starscream one last time. “You don’t have to face him alone.”

“I need to face him alone.” Starscream replied. “And if this is to go as planned, I do have to be alone. He has to think it’s me and only me or he’ll take precautions.”

“Primus, Stars, I don’t want to have to watch from a catwalk as my lover faces Goliath.” Optimus folded his arms.

“I know you don’t want to, but you have to. Either that, or you stay here and I won’t take you with me at all.” Starscream pulled a syringe full of the last dose of nanobots. “My sword and these and that’s all I need to get out of this alive.” He injected the dose into Optimus’s neckcables. “There. Just to be safe.” He rattled the empty vial.

“A shame there isn’t enough to save some for Perceptor to analyze. He’ll have to build all of the new ones from the ground up.” Optimus sighed, looking at the vial.

“A shame.” Starscream agreed, and pulled close to Optimus. “Now stop brooding. You promised me you would do as I instruct and you know my plan is a good one.”

Optimus grumbled. “Yes, I know.” He sighed, putting an arm around Starscream and pulling him close.

“Please, Optimus, be with me this evening. Don’t think of tomorrow.” Starscream embraced him as well. “All will be well. I have to believe that.”

Optimus nodded and kissed the Seeker, leaning against him. “I love you, Starscream. I wish you would let me do more.”

“You’ve done enough.” Starscream firmly replied, kissing his helm. “You’ve been perfect.”

Optimus sighed and chuckled. “Rung says I need to remind myself that I do all I can.”

“I agree entirely. You hold entirely too much guilt on your shoulders.”

Optimus cupped Starscream’s chin and stroked it with his thumb. “I know.” He sighed through his nasal vent.

Starscream laid on Optimus’s windshield. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Later, as they lay in berth, Starscream recharged like a sparkling while Optimus lay awake. There was an uneasiness settled deep in his tanks. He stood up and paced a bit, thinking and doing his best to be quiet so as not to disturb the sleeping Seeker.

He spotted something beneath the berth. It was a small bottle filled with shiny, silver powder. Pulling it out, he examined it, realizing that it had to be the nanobots for the teleporter. Strange. There had only been two doses and Starscream had given him his dose earlier that evening.

He sat down heavily on the berth and stared at the Seeker, thinking troubling thoughts.


	23. Love Bite

In the morning, Starscream rubbed at a sore spot on his neck as he sat up. Perhaps it was a deep love-bite. He hoped Megatron saw it when they battled later. Optimus was holding him loosely about the waist, bright optics closed. The Seeker kissed his forehelm softly and stood up, heating energon and spicing it with coolant and minerals. 

Optimus came up behind the Seeker and hugged him. “…You don’t have to.”

“What? Nonsense, it’s fine. I like making energon for you.” He dabbed in the slightest few drops of Mercury in each cube.

“No. Megatron. You don’t have to face him.”

Starscream went quiet, every nerve singing with tension as he tried not to snap. “I do have to, Optimus. This is the last piece of my past. After today… I’ll be free.” He whispered. He was looking forward to that.

“We’ll be free.” Optimus corrected gently, cupping the Seeker’s faceplates. “But I don’t think killing Megatron is the complete answer. It might help temporarily, but… long term solutions have to come from within.”

“Now that sounds like Rung.”

“That sounds like sense and you know it. You’re brave Starscream and your plan is sound, but what if it fails?”

Starscream was silent. One of his servos took Optimus’s free one and squeezed it. “…Are you afraid, Optimus?”

“Only an idiot wouldn’t be.” Optimus snorted softly, holding the slim flyer close.

“I must be an idiot then.” Starscream murmured. “Because I haven’t been afraid in a long time. Not since I called your men so long ago.”

“…I didn’t mean that quite the way it sounded.” The convoy softly told Starscream. “I meant…”

“I know what you meant.” Starscream sighed. “And it’s all right.”

Optimus cuddled him close again. “Please, please, Starscream… Promise me you’ll live through this. That you’ll survive.”

Starscream was silent. “I can’t do that, Optimus… I’m sorry.”

Optimus closed his optics and laid his helm on Starscream’s shoulder in defeat.


	24. Finality

In the morning, Starscream rubbed at a sore spot on his neck as he sat up. Perhaps it was a deep love-bite. He hoped Megatron saw it when they battled later. Optimus was holding him loosely about the waist, bright optics closed. The Seeker kissed his forehelm softly and stood up, heating energon and spicing it with coolant and minerals. 

Optimus came up behind the Seeker and hugged him. “…You don’t have to.”

“What? Nonsense, it’s fine. I like making energon for you.” He dabbed in the slightest few drops of Mercury in each cube.

“No. Megatron. You don’t have to face him.”

Starscream went quiet, every nerve singing with tension as he tried not to snap. “I do have to, Optimus. This is the last piece of my past. After today… I’ll be free.” He whispered. He was looking forward to that.

“We’ll be free.” Optimus corrected gently, cupping the Seeker’s faceplates. “But I don’t think killing Megatron is the complete answer. It might help temporarily, but… long term solutions have to come from within.”

“Now that sounds like Rung.”

“That sounds like sense and you know it. You’re brave Starscream and your plan is sound, but what if it fails?”

Starscream was silent. One of his servos took Optimus’s free one and squeezed it. “…Are you afraid, Optimus?”

“Only an idiot wouldn’t be.” Optimus snorted softly, holding the slim flyer close.

“I must be an idiot then.” Starscream murmured. “Because I haven’t been afraid in a long time. Not since I called your men so long ago.”

“…I didn’t mean that quite the way it sounded.” The convoy softly told Starscream. “I meant…”

“I know what you meant.” Starscream sighed. “And it’s all right.”

Optimus cuddled him close again. “Please, please, Starscream… Promise me you’ll live through this. That you’ll survive.”

Starscream was silent. “I can’t do that, Optimus… I’m sorry.”

Optimus closed his optics and laid his helm on Starscream’s shoulder in defeat.

 

 

The convoy looked out for Megatron while Starscream did a final calibration of his servo-held controller. He jumped at every small sound, though the Seeker below was calm as a deep, cool lake. At last, he spotted a familiar tank coming through the industrial district towards their trap. “Incoming.” He called to Starscream.

Starscream looked up and nodded. He took up his place between the first set of sentry guns and looked up. “I love you.”

“…I love you too.” Optimus shrank back into the shadows as Megatron blasted a hole in the door and Starscream’s attention was taken.

“Starscream. I foresaw this day.” Megatron’s cannon was up-raised, pointed into the foundry and smoking slightly. 

“And yet you were too foolish to do anything about it. You’ll pay for that today, I promise you.” Starscream hissed.

“It’s you who will be paying.” Megatron stepped inside, taking the arrangement in with a sweep of his optics. “What is all this? Do you think to kill me with machinery?”

“Don’t underestimate strategy, Megatron.” Starscream snarled, activating the line and the guns. “I planned this trap exactly for you.”

“I’m flattered, but your efforts are worthless.” Megatron replied with a vague tickle of amusement. He mounted the line and began shouldering his way through the machinery. “I will defeat this trap, and you.”

“I welcome you to try!” Starscream snapped and took to the air, letting the guns begin.

Optimus watched in nervous apprehension as Starscream hassled Megatron through the line. Whenever the Seeker felt the warlord was progressing too fast, he would sweep down from on high with his sword out and make slicing slashes and try and kick the tyrant.

Of course, the first time he did this, Megatron swung up his fusion cannon to line up with the Seeker and it had charged, glowing pink, as Starscream dive-bombed straight towards him, sword at the ready. There had been a tense moment of frozen paralysis and a flash of bright, pink light as Starscream swooped up into the rafters again. 

Megatron’s cannon, split lengthways, fell into two pieces. He growled in anger at the destruction of his favorite weapon and struggled down the line before he could be pulled back into one of the huge stamps.

“Call it taking back that gift!” Starscream screeched from the rafters. 

Megatron snarled up at him. “You twisted, little glitch!”

Starscream’s laughter was all that answered him as he shouldered his way further and further. At last, the Seeker landed at the end of the line and waited for Megatron to come and get him. He folded his arms and examined his claws as Megatron vented hatred for the slender mech.

At last, he was almost within servo’s reach and Optimus’s spark stopped for several seconds as Starscream took a step backwards and disappeared into the deep furnace behind him. Megatron howled and jumped after him as the line exploded behind him, sending shrapnel everywhere. But the tyrant had brought about his own demise now. Above both of them, the smelter sealed and the hum of a massive generator filled the factory as the heating coils inside gathered energy.

 

“Welcome, Megatron.” Starscream softly spoke now. There was no need for insults. “To the Pit.” He finished locking in his instructions and dropped the controller, grinding it underpede.

“Over-dramatic as always, Starscream.” Megatron caustically replied. “Come now, stop this tiresome dance. If you show me how to get out of this nice little trap now, I will spare your wasted life.”

“There is no way out, Megatron.” Starscream laid against the ceramic wall, which was rapidly heating. “This is the end.”

“There’s always a way out, you treacherous little serpent. You’d never sacrifice your own life, not even to end mine.” He crouched in front of him and put a servo beneath the Seeker’s chin, forcing him to look up. “Now tell me how you plan to get yourself out of this smelter. A hidden door? An accomplice?”

Starscream shook his helm, not fighting the servo as it caressed him. “There’s no way out. Not for either of us. You see, I learn from my mistakes, Megatron. I adapt. I’ve had a very long time to reflect on why I fail to destroy you and I came to this conclusion: I always try to ensure I have a way out. But that’s a mistake, because if there is a way out, you’ll find it and exploit it. It has to end, and now, it will.”

“Come now, Starscream, I’m sure you know that coy is a very good look for you, but you know I can see right through your lies. Now be a good Seeker and show me how to get out.”

“I can’t, because there’s no way out.” 

“This smelter is heating very fast, Starscream, but there’s still time for me to hurt you badly.” Megatron threatened, grabbing the Seeker’s wing and twisting it. “And I will continue to hurt you until you until I melt, unless you tell me how to get out.”

And Starscream laughed, long and loud and insane. “Go ahead! I would as soon be beaten to death as melt! I’ll be dead either way!”

Megatron growled and pulled on the wing, far too hard for it to be anything but a shot of blind pain.

As he fought the urge to scream, Starscream raised his optics to avoid seeing Megatron and caught sight of a flash of bright blue outside the smelter. “No…”

Megatron looked up as well and found Optimus Prime staring down at them through the observation port in the lid. “Ah. I see how it is.” He gripped Starscream by the throat and shook him. “You may be right, Starscream. There may be no way out. But if there is… I think your lover will find it, for your sake.”

Starscream had no bravado left to offer as he stared upwards at Optimus. The Convoy’s burning sapphire optics cut into him as he spread his servo on the glass, reaching for Starscream even now. With a burning effort, Starscream reached up towards him as well… just before Megatron slammed him into the wall. 

“There is no way for Optimus to find.” Starscream hissed, optics blazing with a volcanic heat. “And there’s no way I’m letting you out of this. But by Primus! I’ll not go without a fight!” And he lifted his arm, claws extending, and slashed them across Megatron’s faceplates, forcing him to release the Seeker as he clutched his sparking and dark optic. 

Starscream heaved his vents as the hot air choked him. His energon and coolant systems were running overtime, trying to shed as much heat through his wings as possible, but it wouldn’t be enough. All he had to do was make sure Megatron couldn’t use him. Never, ever again.

“Hmph. Have you found your will after all?” Megatron growled, dropping into a crouch and balling his servos into fists.

“Yes!” Starscream had thrown his sword down before leaping into the smelter, but he had the companion weapon and he drew it out now. It was a simple, short blade, designed to block other swords, and Starscream flipped it to the defensive position as they squared. It was a half-second. Then, they were moving. 

Starscream was severely limited by the enclosed space, but he still gave the old slag-heap a run for his Shanix as Megatron tried to pin him. His little dagger made a cut every time he dashed past Megatron. A drop of energon here, a drop there, a wire cut here… He could win this!

Megatron grabbed his wing and slammed him up against the glass port. Then, he tugged Starscream down and slammed him into the floor and walls several times. Optimus began pounding on the glass window, shouting unheard. 

Megatron shot him a cruel, smug look and turned to the Seeker. “I wonder how he’ll like this.” He grabbed Starscream’s codpiece and pried it straight off.

“Unbelievable. About to die and all you can think of is a frag.” Starscream sighed, optics flashing for where his dagger had fallen. 

Megatron buried his fists in the Seeker’s chest armor and began pulling. His cockpit cracked and the sealing strained as pure, white Sparklight began trickling out into the generator. “This is a little more than that.”

“Indeed.” Starscream sighed and gasped in pain as his servo closed around the handle. “And this is a little more as well.” He sank the straight blade into Megatron’s neckcables, severing them one by one.

Optimus was staring, faceplate practically pressed to the glass port as Starscream pushed Megatron off of him. There was a pop and his shoulder gave way as he rolled out from under the tyrant’s mass. 

He blinked up at Optimus, sitting up with difficulty and staring upwards. The convoy was scrabbling at the sides now, signing at him, trying to say something.

“It’s okay.” Starscream breathed, reaching up to the glass with his own servo and touching it, digits spreading. “It had to be this way. I’m sorry….” He panted, the smelter was reaching its optimal temperature. “I love you.”

Optimus touched the glass on his side as well, their digits mirroring each other. Starscream kept his glowing red optics locked on Optimus’s bright, blue ones. He was determined to take this image with him into the Pit.

 

 

Optimus reached into his subspace and drew out the red controller. Now that Starscream was still at last, he pressed the shielded button.

It was like being pulled in all ways at once. A shock of energy went through him so fast and hard that he was surprised his spark didn’t stop. With a cry, he materialized on the floor of their shuttle. Starscream was beside him and the convoy gathered his blazing hot frame to his windshield at once. Racing into the washracks, he flung the dial on to the coldest setting and flinched as the solvent hit his frame. 

Starscream, who had been relatively quiet up until this point, screamed. “What-? How? Why?”

“I found your dose of nanobots.” Optimus told him, holding the Seeker and forcing him into the spray. The shock of the temperature change cracked his paint and caused it to peel, revealing the grey protoform beneath. “You put it under the berth.”

Starscream’s optics flashed as he remembered waking with a sharp ache. “You- You- I-“ He slapped Optimus across the faceplates, hard. “I WAS READY! I WAS AT PEACE!”

Optimus captured his servos and pinned him to the cold tile wall. “You were going to just sit in there and let yourself melt, even knowing everything I feel for you, everything I’d do for you.”

“I- I- Hahahahahahahahaha….” Starscream began laughing and then he couldn’t stop laughing. Optimus pulled him back under the cold spray until he began to shiver. Then, the convoy turned the heat up to a more normal level and began scrubbing and scraping the Seeker. They collapsed down into a corner together as he worked.

At some point, manic laughter became frantic sobbing and Optimus had to stop scraping curls of paint off of him to hold him close to his frame and rock him because he was crying so hard. When Starscream finally passed out into recharge, Optimus stroked and rubbed his helm, the rest of his paint cracking and crumbling, pouring down the drain.


	25. Healing

Optimus carried Starscream into Rung’s clinic. It was storming and dark outside, and the Seeker clearly did not want to be there. He had resorted to the most elementary of sparkling resistances: Going strutless. It had been a long journey there, with Starscream bouncing from raving like a madman to laughing so hard his optics bulged out to sobbing as if nothing could be right with the world. 

Still, the convoy heaved the Seeker up into his arms and through the door to his small, cozy room. Scuttle was on his shoulder and he noticed that Rung had taken care of the moss garden for him. He grabbed a blanket from the berth and made a tight, squeezing package of the Seeker. Before Starscream could start to try and wiggle his way out, he restrained him and held the bundled Seeker to his chassis, rocking. 

There was a silence so profound it seemed to sink into Optimus’s very spark, and Starscream slept.

 

Rung found them in the morning, curled up together near the base of Optimus’s berth. “Optimus. It’s good to see you’ve returned.”

“Rung.” Optimus nodded, lifting his helm. “I brought him back, as promised.”

“Are you both all right?”

“I’m not sure. I think we both need to see a medic for a full check-up, and… And Starscream desperately needs your help.”

“As I suspected he would. If he agrees, we’ll begin our sessions as soon as he’s ready.”

Optimus nodded, hugging the bundled Seeker, who was beginning to stir. “Starscream, we’re here.”

The grey Seeker lifted his helm and looked up at Rung, before laying back down against Optimus’s shoulder. “…Hi, Rung.”

“Hello, Angel.”

“Angel’s dead… I couldn’t manage it after all.” 

“I warned you re-making yourself would not be the solution.”

“Thank you for that, Rung, it makes me feel so much better.”

Rung chuckled and laid a servo on Starscream’s shoulder. “I’ll be waiting when you’re ready to talk. For now, I think you need to see someone who arrived just yesterday.”

“…Who?”

“You’ll see. Optimus, come. Let’s go to the medbay.”

Optimus unwrapped Starscream so he could walk on his own, but kept the Seeker’s servo clamped in his own. He didn’t want to risk the Seeker flying away from him.

Starscream, for his part, clutched just as hard. 

 

Pharma and Kaon looked up when Starscream, Optimus, and Rung came in. “Starscream.” Pharma smiled, looking at him over Kaon’s berth.

“Pharma.” Starscream replied simply. 

“Get over here and lay down. You went ten rounds with Megatron, from what I’ve heard. No way you came through that unscathed.”

“He didn’t.” Optimus assured, walking with Starscream to a medical berth.

“Hmph. Still recovering, Kaon?”

“You cut off my limbs. That doesn’t heal overnight.” Kaon replied. Tartly.

“Now, now, let’s not fight.” Pharma gave them a severe look. 

The subject was dropped with some grumbling while Optimus stared between the three. “I take it there’s something I missed.”

“Oh, a lot, actually.” Pharma extended a hand. “Pharma. Starscream’s Aeriemate.”

“I know you. You used to work with Ratchet.” Optimus shook the servo offered. 

“I did indeed. I was transferred to Messatine during the war, where I was picked up by the DJD.”

“I’m sorry… Picked up?”

“Well, they burned my clinic and kidnapped me, but that would have taken more words to explain.” Pharma shrugged. “I’m all right now. After Stars took out Tarn and his brutes, Kaon and I went to meet him. He… Didn’t think fondly of Kaon, but I managed to stop him before he did something regrettable, so all’s well.” Pharma gave him a bright smile. “We took the Peaceful Tyranny and Starscream recommended we come here for sanctuary.”

“They arrived after you left, Optimus.” Rung explained. “Almost immediately after.”

“Rung was most warm after the initial shock of seeing us.” Pharma fluttered his wings. 

“Good. I’m glad.” Optimus held Starscream’s servo and felt how it relaxed the barest fraction as Pharma’s hands moved over his love’s frame, finding hurts and healing them. The Seeker medic was faster and more certain in his movements than anyone else Optimus had ever seen.

“What paintjob do you want, Starscream?” Pharma questioned. “We can take care of that while you’re here.”

“I don’t know. Choose something for me, Pharma.” Starscream sighed, getting up off the berth with his aeriemate. He wiggled his servo until Optimus let him go, but the convoy was waiting right outside the door to the spray chamber when he came out.

He gleamed black and silver with the barest touches of a gleaming, buttery orange. Pharma had chosen to put him into somewhat of an inverse of his classic paint. It was certainly different and lovely, though on Starscream, anything would have looked good. 

“What do you think?” Starscream lifted a silver servo traced with orange to the Prime’s, taking it again.

“I think you look elegant, as always.” Optimus folded the funereal Seeker to him.

“I knew it. It’s too dark.” Starscream muttered. “Oh, well, we can fix it later. Paintjobs don’t matter in the dark.”

Optimus stroked the back of his neck. “It’s a good look for you. It’s different, though, very different.”

“Good.” Starscream sighed and relaxed under the Convoy’s touch. 

 

They slept, still holding each other’s servos, with the blankets pulled modestly to their chins. The candle burned beside them, found nothing scandalous to illuminate. They might have been anything, lying in their berth, together.

 

Optimus couldn’t hold Starscream’s servo all the time. Still, he would try, if he could. While Starscream had his private sessions with Rung, he waited outside the door, until he could take the delicate, white servo in his own again.

 

Rung came to the door. “Optimus.”

Optimus sprang up from where he had been resting, waiting. “Rung?”

“Come in, please. I’m afraid I pushed a little too hard.” Rung stepped aside and Optimus rushed to the sky blue Seeker, gathering Starscream to his windshield to sob. 

Optimus couldn’t blame Rung for going too hard on Starscream. Of late, the Seeker’s moods fluctuated to extremes and could change at a moment’s notice. What was too gentle one moment was too hard the next. The only constant for him, it seemed, was that he would allow Optimus to hold his servo constantly. Sometimes, he clung to the Convoy with a desperation that belied their safety, other times his grip was so loose that it was nearly non-existent.

Perhaps that was why he changed his paintjob almost daily. Pharma indulged his cousin’s need with ease. And it was one of the only times Optimus would release the delicate servo. The other times were when he would disappear into Rung’s office and when either of them had to take care of personal wastes. They had washed and polished together since they arrived, though, and Optimus found himself becoming anxious whenever he wasn’t in physical contact with the Seeker.

Rung cleaned his optical enhancer, stopping the timer for their session and putting away his notes on Starscream. At a nod, Optimus lifted Starscream to his pedes and supported him out of the office and back to their room.

 

Optimus watched the mossy green Seeker tending to the small moss garden in his lap. The delicate, measured movements were a joy to observe, a ballet of digits and soft, tree-like plant structure. The moss garden had truly begun to flourish again under Starscream’s care. It was almost back to its full glory. Almost.

 

Optimus wrote in his journal while Starscream lay against his windshield. The Seeker’s blazing red helm was a comfortable weight against the sheet of glass. One of Optimus’s servos left his work to cradle the Seeker a little closer, servo cupping beneath his aft and pulling him up further to a more comfortable location for both of them.

Starscream sighed and snuggled in closer, his optics shut. He didn’t react to the servo on his aft, but Optimus hadn’t expected him to. They would re-open their physical relationship when they were ready and not a moment before. 

 

“I don’t want this!” Starscream screeched through pale silver lipplates. Optimus rocked the golden and white Seeker back and forth. “I just want this to be over!”

“I know, I know… I know, Starbaby… Shh…” The nightmares had been coming more frequently of late. They rarely went a night without Starscream sitting up with a muffled cry and blinking about himself, before the litany would begin.

Optimus held him as close as he could, pressing his cheekplate to Starscream’s helm, shushing him gently. 

 

“I love you.” The pale rose Seeker murmured to Optimus. They lay on a hillside in the shade of a graceful willow tree.

“I love you too.” Optimus murmured back, stroking his side as leaves from the tree above them slowly fluttered down.

 

“He’s getting better.” Kaon assured Optimus, spindly arms folded as he leaned against the berth.

“How would you know?” Optimus was snapped out of his reverie, waiting for Starscream to emerge from the chamber.

“I just do.” Kaon shrugged. His EM field tapped against Optimus’s. It was freakishly strong. “I read people’s emotions.”

“I see. And…?”

“And he was calm when he went in. Plus, he didn’t ask Pharma to pick for him this time.” Kaon shrugged. “He’s been having an identity crisis on a massive scale.”

“I could see that, Kaon.” Optimus shook his helm. “Anyone with optics could.”

“My point being, he came in calm today, and he had his own idea for what he wanted to look like.”

“So… You think it’s over?”

“I’m not qualified to tell you that. I’m saying that something’s changed.”

Before Optimus could reply, the paint chamber opened and Pharma stepped out, cleaning white paint off of his servos. “He’s playing shy, Optimus. Go on in and see.”

Optimus stepped into the spray chamber. Starscream was standing over the dryer, paint gleaming. “Don’t badger me, Pharma. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“It’s not Pharma.” Optimus told him softly, taking a sky blue servo and turning him around, the other servo coming up to caress his jet helm.

“Optimus!” Starscream sighed, helm bowing and wings dropping slightly. “…Well… What do you think?”

Optimus lifted his chin and smiled down at the tricolor Seeker. “I think… there’s nothing like the classics.”

Starscream’s lipplates twitched into a soft smile and he went on tip-pede and kissed his lipplates. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Optimus’s servos slipped down the smooth, white planes of Starscream’s lower back. “Whatever paint you wear.”

Starscream laid his helm against Optimus’s windshield and shut his optics. He was home.


End file.
